Also known as mondegreens (defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as “a word or phrase that results from a mishearing, especially of something recited or sung”), misheard song lyrics are more common than you think, as it’s very easy for the human brain to mistake words and phrases.

For example, one of the most common mistakes revolves around Starship’s hit “We Built This City.” For some reason, people hear “We built this city on sausage rolls” when the actual words are “We built this city on rock and roll.” Another good one is Elton John’s 1971 classic “Tiny Dancer.” People often confuse the chorus, “Hold me closer, tiny dancer,” with “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.”

So why do we misunderstand lyrics? Well, according to science, it has to do with the way we interpret music. If we can’t quite grasp what the lyrics being sung are, our brain goes with what it thinks it hears, often offering up confusing and non-sensical suggestions, such as the examples above. Getting lyrics wrong can be embarrassing, but it also makes for some hilarious substitutions that can make the song much funnier than it’s meant to be. 

To show you just how weird and wonderful misunderstood lyrics can be, we have gone down the music rabbit hole and found some of the most hilarious misunderstood lyrics for you to enjoy below. 

1. Elton John – “Tiny Dancer”

Misheard lyric: “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.”

Actual lyric: “Hold me closer, tiny dancer.”

2. Elvis Presley – “Suspicious Minds”

Misheard lyric: “We’re calling a trout.” 

Actual lyric: “We’re caught in a trap.”

3. Dire Straits – “Money for Nothing”

Misheard lyric: “Money for nothin’ and chips for free.”

Actual lyric: “Money for nothin’ and your chicks for free.”

4. AC/DC – “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap”

Misheard lyric: “Dirty deeds, and the thunder jeep.”

Actual lyric: “Dirty deeds, and they’re done dirt cheap.”

5. Bon Jovi – “Living On a Prayer”

Misheard lyric: “It doesn’t matter if we’re naked or not.”

Actual lyric: “It doesn’t matter if we make it or not.”

6. Uncle Cracker – “Drift Away”

Misheard lyric: “Give me the Beach Boys and free my soul.”

Actual lyric: “Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul.”

7. Chic – “Le Freak”

Misheard lyric: “Aww freak out! Le freak, c’est sheep.”

Actual lyric: “Aww freak out! Le freak, c’est Chic.”

8. TLC – “Waterfalls”

Misheard lyric: “Don’t go chasing waterfalls.”

Actual lyric: “Don’t go, Jason waterfalls.”

9. The Police – “So Lonely”

Misheard lyric: “Sue Lawley.”

Actual lyric: “So lonely.”

10. Jimi Hendrix – “Purple Haze”

Misheard lyric: “‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy.”

Actual lyric: “‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky.”

11. Paul Young – “Every Time You Go Away”

Misheard lyric: “Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you.”

Actual lyric: “Every time you go away take a piece of me with you.”

12. Rita Ora – “Hot Right Now”

Misheard lyric: “I know you’re only it ‘cos it’s half price now.” 

Actual lyric: “I know you’re only in it ‘cos it’s hot right now.”

13. NSYNC – “It’s Gonna Be Me”

Misheard lyric: “It’s gonna be May.”

Actual lyric: “It’s gonna be me.”

14. Journey – “Open Arms”

Misheard lyric: “So here I am with broken arms.”

Actual lyric: “So here I am with open arms.” 

15. Taylor Swift – “Blank Space”

Misheard lyric: “All the lonely Starbucks lovers.”

Actual lyric: “Got a long list of ex-lovers.”

16. Starship – “We Built This City”

Misheard lyric: “We built this city on sausage rolls.”

Actual lyric: “We built this city on rock and roll.”

17. ABBA – “Dancing Queen”

Misheard lyric: “See that girl, watch her scream, kicking the dancing queen.”

Actual lyric: “See that girl, watch that scene, digging the dancing queen.”

18. The Rolling Stones – “Beasts of Burden”

Misheard lyric: “I’ll never leave your pizza burning.”

Actual lyric: “I’ll never be your beast of burden.” 

19. Queen – “Bohemian Rhapsody”

Misheard lyric: “Saving his life from this warm sausage tea.”

Actual lyric: “Spare him his life from this monstrosity.”

20. Creedence Clearwater Revival – “Bad Moon Rising”

Misheard lyric: “There is a bathroom on the right.”

Actual lyric: “There is a bad moon on the rise.”

21. Michael Jackson – “Man in the Mirror”

Misheard lyric: “And no Mrs. could have been any clever.”

Actual lyric: “And no message could be clearer.”

22. Nirvana – “Smells Like Teen Spirit”

Misheard lyric: “Here we are now, in containers.”

Actual lyric: “Here we are now, entertain us.”

23. Adele – “Chasing Pavements”

Misheard lyric: “Or should I just keep chasing penguins.”

Actual lyric: “Or should I just keep chasing pavements.” 

24. Eurythmics – “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)”

Misheard lyric: “Sweet dreams are made of these.”

Actual lyric: “Sweet dreams are made of this.”

25. Eagles – “Hotel California”

Misheard lyric: “On a dark desert highway, cool whip in my hair.”

Actual lyric: “On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair.”

26. Duran Duran – “Rio”

Misheard lyric: “Like a birthday or a preview.”

Actual lyric: “Like a birthday or a pretty view.”

27. Johnny Nash – “I Can See Clearly Now”

Misheard lyric: “I can see clearly now, Lorraine is gone.”

Actual lyric: “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.”

28. ABBA – “Take a Chance on Me”

Misheard lyric: “If you change your mind, Jackie Chan, I’m the first in line, Jackie Chan.”

Actual lyric: “If you change your mind, take a chance, I’m the first in line, take a chance.”

29. Queen – “We Will Rock You”

Misheard lyric: “Kicking your cat all over the place.”

Actual lyric: “Kicking your can all over the place.”

30. Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys – “Empire State of Mind”

Misheard lyric: “In New York, concrete jungle, wet dream, tomato…”

Actual lyric: “In New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made, oh…”

31. The Beatles – “I Want To Hold Your Hand”

Misheard lyric: “I get high.”

Actual lyric: “I can’t hide.”

32. Madonna – “Papa Don’t Preach”

Misheard lyric: “Poppadom peach.”

Actual lyric: “Papa don’t preach.”

33. The Monkees – “I’m a Believer”

Misheard lyric: “Then I saw her face, now I’m gonna leave her.”

Actual lyric: “Then I saw her face, now I’m a believer.”

34. Kelly Clarkson – “Since U Been Gone”

Misheard lyric: “Since you bit gum, I can eat meat for the first time.”

Actual lyric: “Since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time.”

35. Electric Light Orchestra – “Don’t Bring Me Down”

Misheard lyric: “Don’t bring me down, goose.”

Actual lyric: “Don’t bring me down, Bruce.”

36. Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris – “We Found Love”

Misheard lyric: “We found love in a soapless place.”

Actual lyric: “We found love in a hopeless place.”

37. The Beatles – “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds”

Misheard lyric: “Blue seal in the sky with diamonds.”

Actual lyric: “Lucy in the sky with diamonds.”

38. The Clash – “Rock the Casbah”

Misheard lyric: “Lock the taskbar, lock the taskbar.”

Actual lyric: “Rockin’ the Casbah, rock the Casbah.”

39. The Eagles – “Desperado” 

Misheard lyric: “You’ve been outright offensive for so long now.”

Actual lyric: “You’ve been out ridin’ fences for so long now.”

40. Kings of Leon – “Sex on Fire”

Misheard lyric: “Ohh, dyslexics on fire.”

Actual lyric: “Ohh, this sex is on fire.”

41. Africa – “Toto”

Misheard lyric: “I miss the rains down in Africa.”

Actual lyric: “I bless the rains down in Africa.”

42. R.E.M. – “Losing My Religion”

Misheard lyric: “Let’s pee in the corner, let’s pee in the spotlight.”

Actual lyric: “That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight.”

43. Sir Mix-A-Lot – “Baby Got Back”

Misheard lyric: “I like big butts and a can of limes.”

Actual lyric: “I like big butts and I can not lie.”

44. Bob Dylan – “Blowin’ In The Wind”

Misheard lyric: “The ants are my friends.”

Actual lyric: “The answer, my friend.”

45. Metallica – “Enter Sandman”

Misheard lyric: “Eggs and light, end all nights.”

Actual lyric: “Exit light, enter night.”

46. Billy Joel – “Piano Man”

Misheard lyric: “And he’s sittin’ with Davy. Who’s stealin’ the gravy. And probably red beef on rice.”

Actual lyric: “And he’s talkin’ with Davy. Who’s still in the Navy. And probably will be for life.”

47. Eiffel 65 – “Blue”

Misheard lyric: “I’m blue, if I was green I would die.”

Actual lyric: “I’m blue, da be dee da ba di.”

48. Bee Gees – “More Than a Woman”

Misheard lyric: “Bald-headed woman… bald-headed woman to me.”

Actual lyric: “More than a woman… more than a woman to me.”

49. John Legend – “All of Me”

Misheard lyric: “My head’s underwater, but I’m breathing fire.”

Actual lyric: “My head’s underwater, but I’m breathing fine.”

50. Madonna – “Like a Virgin”

Misheard lyric: “Like a virgin, touched for the very first time.”

Actual lyric: “Like a virgin, touched for the very 31st time.”

51. Hot Chocolate – “You Sexy Thing”

Misheard lyric: “I remove umbilicus.” 

Actual lyric: “I believe in miracles.” 

52. Pink Floyd – “Another Brick in the Wall”

Misheard lyric: “No docks or chasms in the classroom.”

Actual lyric: “No dark sarcasm in the classroom.”

Shakespearean insults are a famous aspect of the bard’s writing and have become an essential part of the English language lexicon. These put-downs are creatively crafted by the master playwright and composed of a combination of words that seem harmless individually but, when combined, create a devastating effect.

He doesn’t just call someone a “dickhead,” but does so with fruity prose that is elaborate and pleasant on the ear. Shakespeare has his own style and tone that make his insults stick. Using clever wordplay and sarcasm, his words are biting, and when performed on stage, provide great entertainment for audiences. They are used as a form of comic relief to break up the tension that is often found in Shakespeare’s plays.

The bard’s insults are so famous that they are still used today. Even though they were written over four centuries ago and aren’t exactly your standard insult, these jokes and funny cracks still work, although you might need a dictionary to work out what is being said.

His witty words and funny prose have worked their way into pop culture, featuring in everything from hit TV shows and blockbuster movies to modern novels and comic books. There’s even a Shakespeare insult generator where you can find dozens of the bard’s hilarious witticisms with the click of a button. 

If you are struggling for a decent comeback or want to improve your vocabulary of insults, look no further than the Shakespeare insults we have collected below. The bard’s unique words can provide you with all the witty cracks you need to leave your mates perplexed by your crafty insults. We’ve included a loose translation in case Shakespeare’s words are a little too old-timey for you. So read on and discover the best Shakespeare insults and wow your mates with your master of the English language. 

1. Insult: “Let’s meet as little as we can.” – As You Like It (Act 3, Scene 2)

Translation: In other words, I don’t ever want to see you again. Please stay out of my life. 

2. Insult: “Beetle-headed flap-ear’d knave.” – The Taming of the Shrew (Act 4, Scene 1)

Translation: You’ve got big ears and you’re a dummy. 

3. Insult: “A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise-breaker, the owner of no one good quality.” – All’s Well That Ends Well (Act 3, Scene 6)

Translation: You’re a coward and a liar.

4. Insult: “I am sick when I do look on thee.” –  A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Act 2, Scene 1)

Translation: You make me physically sick.

5. Insult: “Away thou rag, thou quantity, thou remnant.” – Taming of the Shrew (Act 4, Scene 3)

Translation: You are a literal rag. Go in the bin. 

6. Insult: “You starveling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!” – Henry IV Part 1 (Act 2, Scene 4)

Translation: Falstaff is basically calling Prince Henry a skinny prick. 

7. Insult: “Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes.” – Richard III (Act 1, Scene 2)

Translation: Just looking at you makes my eyes burn with pain. In other words, don’t look at me. 

8. Insult: “Away, you three-inch fool!” – The Taming of the Shrew (Act 4, Scene 1)

Translation: You are very small. It could also be used when talking about the size of a certain manly appendage. Nobody likes being called small down there. 

9. Insult: “What, you egg?” – Macbeth (Act 4, Scene 2)

Translation: Being called an egg might not seem that bad, but it means you are basic and boring, and nobody wants to be that. 

10. Insult: “You have a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness.” – Much Ado About Nothing (Act 5, Scene 4)

Translation: You have a mean-looking face and are ugly. 

11. Insult: “Canker-blossom!” – A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Act 3, Scene 2)

Translation: This insult has two meanings. The first is someone who destroys love, which isn’t ideal. The second is a venereal disease that manifests itself by covering your body in sores. We think the second translation is the worst. 

12. Insult: “I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away.” –  Henry IV (Act 2, Scene 2)

Translation: You are despicable, poor, and a cheat. And a piece of mold. 

13. Insult: “A fusty nut with no kernel.” –  Troilus and Cressida (Act 2, Scene 1)

Translation: This is Shakespeare’s version of “You’re not the sharpest knife in the draw.” 

14. Insult: “Thou art a very ragged wart.” – Henry IV (Act 3, Scene 2)

Translation: Ever been called a wart before? It hurts. Another great Shakespeare insult. 

15. Insult: “Quintessence of dust.” –  Hamlet (Act 2, Scene 2)

Translation: You are nothing but dust. A fleeting moment in time nobody will remember. Take that! 

16. Insult: “How now, thou crusty batch of nature! What’s the news?” – Troilus and Cressida (Act 5, Scene 1)

Translation: Hey, how are things? You look disgusting by the way. 

17. Insult: “Come, come, you froward and unable worms!” – The Taming Of The Shrew (Act 5, Scene 2)

Translation: Another obvious insult: you are a slimy worm.

18. Insult: “Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-livered boy.” – Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 3)

Translation: This means to prick your face so you get some color. The perfect insult for your fair-skinned friends who don’t like the sun. 

19. Insult: “O Gull! O Dolt! As ignorant as dirt!” – Othello (Act 5, Scene 2)

Translation: You are nothing more than a piece of dirt. Take that! 

20. Insult: “Thou cream-faced loon.” – Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 3)

Translation: You are a scardey cat. 

21. Insult: “His wit’s as thick as a Tewkesbury mustard.” – Henry IV Part 2 (Act 2, Scene 4)

Translation: You are as thick as two bricks. 

22. Insult: “Elvish-mark’d abortive, rooting hog.” – Richard III (Act 1, Scene 3)

Translation: To have the appearance of an evil elf mixed with a pig. 

23. Insult: “Why, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow-catch.” – Henry IV, Part 1 (Act 2, Scene 4)

Translation: This is a flowery way to call someone a son of a whore. It also references being thick as shit and not a very nice person to look at. Some great English literature here. 

24. Insult: “I am pigeon-liver’d and lack gall.” – Hamlet (Act 2, Scene 2) 

Translation: A nice way of saying someone is a coward. 

25. Insult: “I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.” – Timon of Athens (Act 4, Scene 3)

Translation: I would beat you up but I don’t want to get my hands infected. Harsh from the United Kingdom playwright. 

26. Insult: “You starveling, you elf skin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stockfish!” – Henry IV Part 1 (Act 2, Scene 4)

Translation: Henry really goes to town on Falstaff and calls him a bunch of animal-related insults. He says he has the skin of an elf, which doesn’t seem too bad, but then also mentions he looks like a dried ox tongue, a bull’s penis, and a codfish of all things. The bull’s penis insult hurts the most. 

27. Insult: “You rampallian! you fustilarian!” – Henry IV, Part 2 (Act 2, Scene 1)

Translation: The first part of this insult is the word “rampallian,” which is basically calling someone a scoundrel. Not too bad. The second part which contains the word “fustilarian,” is a little more server, as it means someone is slow and clumsy and generally implies they are fat. Shakespeare sure did have a way with words. 

28. Insult: “Villian, I have done thy mother.” – Titus Andronicus (Act 4, Scene 2)

Translation: Shakespeare wasn’t above the odd mom joke now and then. With this one, Aaron is telling Demetrius he fucked his mother. Take that!

29. Insult: “I do desire we may be better strangers.” – As You Like It (Act 3, Scene 2)

Translation: I would much prefer it if we were strangers and never met. 

30. Insult: “A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver’d, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue;1090 one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pander, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch; one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deny the least syllable of thy addition.” – King Lear (Act 2, Scene 2)

Translation: There is a lot to unpack here, but to sum it up, the Earl of Kent is telling Oswald he’s an absolute cock gobbler in no uncertain terms. 

31. Insult: “Lump of foul deformity.” – Richard III (Act 1, Scene 2)

Translation: You are a deformed lump. Could also mean a piece of shit. 

32. Insult: “You peasant swain, you whoreson, malthorse drudge!” – The Taming of the Shrew (Act 4, Scene 1)

Translation: If you need to call someone poor, the son of a whore, and a lumbering idiot, this is the insult for you. 

33. Insult: “Methinks thou art a general offense and every man should beat thee.” – All’s Well That Ends Well (Act 2, Scene 3)

Translation: When someone offended you so much you think everyone should beat them up. 

34. Insult: “More of your conversation would infect my brain.” – Coriolanus (Act 2, Scene 1)

Translation: If I have to listen to you for much longer my brain is going to turn into mush. 

35. Insult: “Peace, ye fat guts!” – Henry IV Part 1 (Act 2, Scene 2)

Translation: You’re fat. Really fat. Peace. 

36. Insult: “His face is not worth sunburning.” – Henry V (Act 5, Scene 2)

Translation: When someone’s face is so ugly even getting sunburned wouldn’t improve them. 

37. Insult: “The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes.” – The Comedy of Errors (Act 5, Scene 4)

Translation: Another insult about a person’s looks. This one suggests their face makes grapes sour. Harsh, but funny. 

38. Insult: “This woman’s an easy glove, my lord, she goes off and on at pleasure.” – All’s Well That Ends Well (Act 5, Scene 3)

Translation: Looking for a new way to call someone a whore? This is it. 

39. Insult: “Thou art a boil, a plague sore.” – King Lear (Act 2, Scene 2)

Translation: Nobody likes being called a boil. 

40. Insult: “Thou art as fat as butter.” – Henry IV Part 1 (Act 2, Scene 4)

Translation: This one isn’t hard to work out. 

41. Insult: “Here is the babe, as loathsome as a toad.” – Titus Andronicus (Act 4, Scene 3)

Translation: Not all insults have to be hard to decipher. Calling someone a toad gets the message across about how you feel about them. 

42. Insult: “Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat.” – Henry V (Act 4, Scene 4)

Translation: Calling someone a mountain goat is a different type of insult but one that still makes you stop and think. 

Generally short riddles, these clever riddles cover a variety of different subjects and topics and are aimed at all ages. There are riddles for kids, hard riddles, easy riddles, and interesting riddles that will test your brain teaser powers. 

A classic What Am I riddle might go something like this: “I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?” The answer is a candle. Simple right? Well, not every What Am I riddle is that easy, as you will soon discover below. 

We have managed to put together a varied collection of What Am I riddles that are clever, funny, and testing. No matter how smart you are, some of these riddles will certainly test your brain power and puzzle skills. Whether you’re playing alone, with friends, or trying to entertain the kids with some What Am I riddles, these conundrums are a great way to pass the time and sharpen your mind.

1. I have no feet, no hands, no wings, but I climb to the sky. What am I?

Smoke. 

2. You can touch me, You can break me, You should win me if you want to be mine. What am I?

A heart. 

3. I help you from your head to your toe. The more I work, the smaller I grow. What am I?

A bar of soap.

4. I can wave my hands at you, but I never say goodbye. You are always cool when with me, even more so when I am high. What am I?

An electric fan. 

5. No matter how little or how much you use me, you change me every month. What am I?

A calendar. 

6. I can be cracked, I can be made. I can be told, I can be played. What am I?

A joke. 

7. You go at red but stop at green. What am I?

A watermelon. 

8. I have a head and a tail that will never meet. Having too many of me is always a treat. What am I?

A coin.

9. I can fly but have no wings. I can cry but I have no eyes. Wherever I go, darkness follows me. What am I?

Clouds.

10. Look in my face, I am somebody; Look in my back, I am nobody. What am I?

A mirror. 

11. I am something people love or hate. I change people’s appearances and thoughts. If a person takes care of them self I will go up even higher. To some people, I will fool them. To others, I am a mystery. Some people might want to try and hide me but I will show. No matter how hard people try I will Never go down. What am I?

Age. 

12. I am white when I am dirty, and black when I am clean. What am I?

A blackboard. 

13. This is as light as a feather, yet no man can hold it for long. What am I?

Your breath. 

14. I’m (usually) white and used for cutting and grinding. When I’m damaged, humans usually remove me or fill me. For most animals, I am a useful tool. What am I?

A tooth. 

15. I get lost every time you stand up. What am I?

Your lap.

16. Always in you, Sometimes on you; If I surround you, I can kill you. What am I?

Water. 

17. I’m where yesterday follows today and tomorrow is in the middle. What am I?

A tree. 

18. I am a fruit that is always sad. What am I?

A blueberry. 

19. What comes all the way to a house but never goes in? What am I?

The steps

20. I am taken from a mine, and shut up in a wooden case, from which I am never released, and yet I am used by almost everybody. What am I?

Pencil lead. 

21. What has a green thorn exterior and a juicy, sweet interior?

Pineapple (one of our favorite fruits).

22. I am the beginning of everything, the end of everywhere. I’m the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space. What am I?

The letter e.

23. I’m a god, a planet, and I measure heat. What am I?

Mercury. 

24. Take off my skin and I won’t cry, but you will. What am I?

An onion.

25. I’m an instrument through which sounds are made, and yet, not something that can be played. What am I?

Your voice.

26. I have branches, but no fruit, trunk, or leaves. What am I?

A bank.

27. I have a little house in which I live all alone. It has no doors or windows, and if I want to go out I must break through the wall. What am I?

 A chick in an egg. 

28. A seed with three letters in my name. Take away two and I still sound the same. What am I?

A pea.

29. I’m where yesterday follows today and tomorrow is in the middle. What am I?

A dictionary. 

30. I shave every day, but my beard stays the same. What am I?

A barber. 

31. Until I am measured I am not known, Yet how you miss me when I have flown. What am I?

Time.

32. I’m as small as an ant, as big as a whale. I’ll approach like a breeze but can come like a gale. By some, I get hit, but all have shown fear. I’ll dance to the music, though I can’t hear. Of names, I have many, of names I have one. I’m as slow as a snail, but from me, you can’t run. What am I?

A shadow. 

33. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What am I?

Footsteps.

34. I can never be thrown but I can be caught. Ways to lose me are always being sought. What am I?

A cold. 

35. I am a word of six; my first three letters refer to an automobile; my last three letters refer to a household animal; my first four letters are a fish; my whole is found in your room. What am I?

A carpet. 

36. Four fingers and a thumb, Yet flesh and blood, I have none. What am I?

A glove.

37. I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?

A candle.

38. You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?

A telephone. 

39. I look just like a half loaf of bread. What am I?

The other half of a loaf of bread. 

40. I lose my head in the morning but get it back at night. What am I?

A pillow.

41. I always follow you around, everywhere you go at night. I look very bright to people, but I can make the Sun dark. I can be in many different forms and shapes. What am I?

The Moon.

42. The more you take away, the more I become. What am I?

A hole. 

43. I have a thousand needles but I do not sew. What am I?

A porcupine. 

44. I go up when the rain comes down. What am I? 

An umbrella. 

45. I am not alive, but I grow; I don’t have lungs, but I need air; I don’t have a mouth, but water kills me. What am I?

Fire. 

46. The more there is the less you see. What am I?

Fog.

47. I am not alive, but I grow; I don’t have lungs, but I need air; I don’t have a mouth, but water kills me.

Fire. 

48. I have many teeth but I can’t bite. I’m often used early but rarely at night. What am I?

A comb. 

49. You can drop me from the tallest building and I will be well, but if you drop me in water I will die. What am I?

Paper.

50. If you have me, you want to share me. If you share me, you haven’t got me. What am I?

51. I have two hands, but I can not scratch myself. What am I?

A clock. 

52. I am a cross between a computer and a dairy product. What am I?

Mac and Cheese. 

53. People buy me to eat but never eat me. What am I?

Cutlery. 

54. I am six letters. When you take one away I am twelve. What am I?

55.  I am strong enough to smash ships, but I fear the Sun. What am I?

Ice.

56. Tool of a thief, toy of a queen. Always used to be unseen. Sign of joy, sign of sorrow. Giving all likeness borrowed. What am I?

A mask.

The official Merriam-Webster definition of the word oxymoron states that an oxymoron is “a combination of contradictory or incongruous words.” Other common and funny oxymorons you might have heard include “act naturally,” “jumbo shrimp,” and “old news.” All these phrases consist of two opposite words that go together and somehow everyone understands what they mean.

Oxymorons have been in use for centuries, with the term first believed to have been coined sometime during the 17th century. One of the earliest known examples can be found in William Shakespeare’s classic Hamlet, where he writes “O heavy lightness! Serious vanity!” As for who came up with the phrase, there is a lot of conjecture. Some believe it was Edward Reynold, who in 1640 is believed to have written the words “mortibus vivimus,” which translates to “living death,” while others claim it was John Ray who coined the phrase in his 1678 book A Collection of English Proverbs. Whichever is true, oxymorons have been part of the English language for close to four hundred years.

These days, most people use oxymorons as a way to emphasize or highlight something. As they are often absurd, they can also be a popular source for puns and jokes. Funny oxymorons are a great way to add humor and playfulness to your everyday speech and give your prose a little comedy. They are so popular author Simon Brett and illustrator Paul Thomas released the book, Seriously Funny and Other Oxymorons, that is well worth a read.

To show how these contradictory words can cause you a good belly laugh, we have searched high and low to bring you some funny oxymorons that are part of modern pop culture. These include famous oxymorons used in everyday life to those spoken and sung in the movie and music industry. See how many of these you can fit into your next conversation.

Common Oxymoron Expression Used in Everyday Life

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1. Act natural

2. Random order

3. Bittersweet

4. Grow smaller

5. Only choice

6. Civil War

7. Alone together

8. Working vacation

9. Bad luck

10. Definite possibility

11. Awfully good

12. Exact estimate

13. Student teacher

14. Old news

15. Weapons of peace

16. Original copy

17. Virtual reality

18. Plastic silverware

19. Jumbo shrimp

20. Negative income

21. True fiction

22. Poor health

23. Old boy

24. Awfully pretty

25. Found missing

26. Resident alien

27. Baggy tights

28. Deafening silence

29. Simply impossible

30. Crash landing

31. Silent scream

32. Genuine imitation

33. Big baby

34. Recent history

35. True lies

36. Cruel kindness

37. Open secret

38. Vegetarian meatballs

39. Online privacy

40. Clearly misunderstood

41. Unbiased opinion

42. Living dead

43. Small crowd

44. Controlled chaos

45. Good grief

46. Legally drunk

47. Soft rock

48. New classic

49. Dull roar

50. Sweet sorrow

51. Foolish wisdom

52. Extinct life

53. Synthetic natural gas

54. Passive aggressive

55. Even odds

56. Terribly pleased

57. Minor miracle

58. Seriously funny

59. Friendly fire

60. Definitely maybe

61. Taped live

62. Business ethics

63. Militant pacifistt

64. Exact estimate

65. Intense apathy

66. New tradition

67. Home office

68. Liquid gas

69. Long sleeve t-shirt

70. Numb sensation

71. Rolling stop

72. Same difference

73. Barely dressed

74. Almost done

Oxymoron Examples in Popular Culture

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75. Urban Cowboy (1980 movie)

76. “Alone Together” by Fall Out Boy

77. “Begin Again” by Taylor Swift

78. Eyes Wide Shut (1999 movie)

79. Buried Alive (1999 movie)

80. “It’s, like, a safety bomb.” – Iggy from James Patterson’s The Angel Experiment

81. “Hello, Goodbye” by the Beatles

82. Definitely, Maybe (2008 film)

83. “Cruel to Be Kind” by Nick Lowe

84. Night of the Living Dead (1968 film)

85. “The Sound of Silence” by Simon & Garfunkel

86. “Parting is such sweet sorrow” from William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet

87. Dead Man Walking (1985 movie)

88. “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan

89. “A Boy Named Sue” by Johnny Cash

90. “All your perfect imperfections” – John Legend lyrics from the song “All of Me”

91. Back To The Future (1985 movie)

92. “His honor rooted in dishonor stood, And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true,” – Alfred from Lord Tennyson’s Idylls of the King

93. “Bitter Sweet Symphony” by the Verve

94. Dead Again (1991 movie)

Funny Oxymoron Quotes From Famous People

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95. “Women have to harness their power – it’s absolutely true. It’s just learning not to take the first no. And if you can’t go straight ahead, you go around the corner.” – Cher

96. “It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.” – Mark Twain

97. “You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.” – Dolly Parton

98. “It’s sick and twisted and violent. Other than that it is totally G-rated.” – Elizabeth Cruickshank

99. “A lot of people never use their initiative because no one told them to.” – Banksy

100. “Spare no expense to save money on this one.” – Samuel Goldwyn

101. “Life is indeed precious and I believe the death penalty helps to affirm that fact.” – Edward I. Koch

102. “Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.” – Josh Billings

103. “I distinctly remember forgetting that.” – Clara Barton

104. “The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.” – W. C. Fields

105. “We must believe in free will. We have no choice.” – Isaac Bashevis Singer

106. “If Lincoln were alive today he’d be turning over in his grave.” – Gerald R. Ford

107. “The first condition of immortality is death.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

108. “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.” – Samuel Goldwyn

109. “Drive on the parkway, park in the driveway.” – George Carlin

But there’s also a long list of famous people, from actors and musicians to scientists and politicians, who have used their dying breath to utter something humorous before passing into the ether. Instead of professing their love to family members or their partner, some chose to drop funny quips to lighten the mood. Often these last words are unintentionally hilarious due to the situation they are said. While gallows humor like this isn’t for everyone, it’s hard not to chuckle at some of the most famous, inspiring, and funny last words recorded over the years. So prepare to have a laugh with these famous and funny last words.

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1. “Bring me a bulletproof vest.” – James W. Rodgers, convicted murderer, said this when asked if he had any last requests before dying by firing squad.

2. “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance” – General John Sedgwick, Union Army, said this before being shot under the eye by a Confederate sniper.

3. “I’m bored with it all.” – Winston Churchill, former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, said this before suffering a fatal stroke.

4. “Hey fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? ‘French fries.’” – James French, convicted murderer, said these words before his execution.

5. “I didn’t do that on purpose.” – Marie Antoinette, Queen of France, said this after stepping on the foot of her executioner before being beheaded.

6. “Oh god, I’ve been murdered.” – Spencer Perceval, former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, supposedly spoke these famous last words after being shot by John Bellingham at the House of Commons.

7. “I am sorry to bother you chaps. I don’t know how you get along so fast with the traffic on the roads these days.” – Ian Fleming, James Bond author, said this to the ambulance crew as they rushed him to hospital after suffering a heart attack.

8. “One last drink please”–  Jack Daniels, the creator of the spirit Jack Daniels, said this before dying from a blood infection caused by kicking a safe.

9. “I knew it! I knew it! Born in a hotel room and, goddamn it, dying in a hotel room.” – Eugene O’Neill, playwright, whispered this as he lay dying in the Sheraton Hotel.

10. “What the devil do you mean to sing to me, priest? You are out of tune.” – Jean-Philippe Rameau, composer, said this to the priest who was singing him hymns on his deathbed.

11. “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.” – Richard Feynman, physicist and author, said this before passing.

12. “Die, why that’s the last thing I’ll do.” – Groucho Marx, comedian, quipped before dying of pneumonia.

13. “This is no time to be making new enemies.” – Voltaire, French Enlightenment writer, historian, and philosopher, was believed to have said this one-liner after a priest asked him to renounce Satan.

14. “I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s; I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.” – Thomas J. Grasso, convicted murderer, after finishing his last meal on death row.

15. “And now for a final word from our sponsor.” – Charles Gussman, TV announcer, removed his oxygen mask while in the hospital to say these words in his final moments.

16. “I’d like to thank the Academy for my lifetime achievement award that I will eventually get.” – Donald O’Connor, actor, exclaimed on his deathbed. He never did get that Oscar.

17. “Remember, honey, don’t forget what I told you. Put in my coffin a deck of cards, a mashie niblick, and a pretty blonde.” – Chico Marx, comedian, said this before passing of arteriosclerosis.

18. “What do you think I am going to do blow my brains out?” – Terry Kath, the lead singer of the band Chicago, uttered these words while holding what he thought was an unloaded gun to his head. Unfortunately for him, the gun was loaded and he killed himself after pulling the trigger.

19. “I must go for the fog is rising.” – Emily Dickinson, poet, said this before dying of heart failure.

20. “Damn it! Don’t you dare ask God to help me!” – Joan Crawford, actress, cried out when her housekeeper was praying as she suffered a heart attack.

21. “I desire to go to Hell and not Heaven  In the former place I shall enjoy the company of popes, kings, and princes, while in the latter are only beggars, monks, and apostles.”–  Niccolo Machiavelli, Italian diplomat, historian, and philosopher, gave his thoughts on death with these famous and funny last words.

22. “Fuck, a bullet wound!” – Antonio Jose De Sucre Venezuelan, President of Peru and Bolivia, said these words while being shot during the middle of his assassination.

23. “Yeah, country music.” – Buddy Rich, drummer, said this in reply to a nurse asking him if “there [is] anything you can’t take?” before going into surgery.

24. “I wonder why he shot me?” – Huey Long, The Great Depression-era reformist, exclaimed after being shot at the Louisiana State capital building.

25. “Thank god. I’m tired of being the funniest person in the room.” – Del Close, comedian, said this before passing away from emphysema.

26. “Surprise me.” – Bob Hope, comedian, uttered these words after his wife asked him where he wanted to be buried.

27. “I should have never switched from scotch to martinis.” – Humphrey Bogart, actor. There are also reports that his last words may have been, “See you kid. Hurry back,” which he said to his wife, Lauren Bacall.

28. “Yes. Hurry it up, you Hoosier bastard! I could kill a dozen men while you’re screwing around!” – Carl Panzram, serial killer, said these words before being executed.

29. “On the contrary.” – Henrik Ibsen, playwright, told his nurse after she said he was looking better. He died the next day.

30. “I’ve had 18 straight whiskeys… I think that’s the record.” – Dylan Thomas, poet, reportedly said before losing consciousness and falling into a coma he never recovered from.

31. “This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.” – Oscar Wilde, author and poet, said this to friends before dying from meningitis.

32. “I’m looking for loopholes.” – W.C Fields, actor, remarked when asked why he was reading the Bible.

33. “Good. A woman who can fart is not yet dead.” – Marie Thérèse Louise of Savoy, Princesse de Lamballe, said this before she was killed during the French Revolution. 

34. “It’s okay! Gun’s not loaded… see?” – Johnny Ace, singer, said these final words before pointing what he thought was an unloaded gun to his head and pulling the trigger.

35. “Am I dying, or is this my birthday?” Nancy Astor, politician, said this after waking up to see her family gathered around her bed.

36. “Codeine… bourbon…” – Tallulah Bankhead, actress, said this after she was asked if she wanted anything.

37. “Turn me over… I’m done on this side.” – Lawrence of Rome, deacon, dropped this gem while being burned alive.

38. “Now why did I do that?” – Sir William Erskine, 2nd Baronet, said this remark after he jumped off a balcony.

Whether it’s the friendly banter between Han Solo and Princess Leia, C-3PO’s awkward encounters, weird-looking aliens, or the slapstick comedy of the prequel trilogy, humor has been ever-present in the Star Wars universe. These humorous moments in the franchise have led to fans creating their own Star Wars jokes, be it funny memes, side-splitting puns, or hilarious jokes. And let’s be honest, nothing beats a good Star Wars joke. 

To celebrate “May the 4th” in a fun and positive way, we wanted to share this collection of hilarious Star Wars jokes. These are witty, silly, but above all funny gags that will have you laughing like Chewbacca after Princess Leia makes a joke about Han Solo. 

1. What program do Jedi use to open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi.
2. How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
3. Why did Han Solo wait to ask Princess Leia to marry him? He didn’t want to force it.
4. What’s the difference between Boba Fett and a time machine operated by Marty McFly? One’s a Mandalorian, and the other’s a manned DeLorean.
5. Why are there no stairs in the Death Star? Because everyone uses the ele-vader.
6. Is BB hungry? No, BB-8.
7. Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? To get to the Dark Side. 
8. What did Yoda ride as a kid? A do-cycle. Because there is no tri.
9. Stormtroopers in quarantine are like, “I miss people.” I’m not too sympathetic, they always miss people.
10. Why is a gossip website like the Imperial Fleet? They’re both full of Star Destroyers.
11. Luke Skywalker walks into the Mos Eisley cantina, cradling a slab of dirt in his arms. “What’ll it be?” asks the barman. “A pint for me, and one for the road.”
12. What did Darth Vader say to the Emperor at the Star Wars auction? “What is thy bidding, my master?”
13. How do Tusken Raiders cheat on their taxes? They always single file, to hide their numbers.
14. What do you call Stormtroopers playing Monoploy? Game of Clones. 
15. Did you know Yoda had a last name? It was Layheehoo.
16. Why does Kylo Ren have no friends? Because his whole life he’s Ben Solo.
17. What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? The.
18. Where did Luke get his cybernetic hand? The second-hand store.
19. How does Wicket get around Endor? Ewoks.
20. What’s a stormtrooper’s favorite store? The store next to the Target!
21. Why did Episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2, and 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.
22. Which website did Chewbacca get arrested for creating? Wookieleaks!
23. How long has Anakin Skywalker been evil? Since the Sith Grade.
24. What do you call a pirate droid? Arr-2 D2.
25. Why is Yoda such a good gardener? Because he has a green thumb.
26. What time is it when an AT-AT steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.
27. Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “Use the forks, Luke.”
28. Warning: Star Wars spoilers! Voosh voosh pew pew pew voosh voosh pew pew voosh force choke voosh pew pew pew.
29. Why can’t you count on Yoda picking up the tab? He’s a little short. 
30. How do you unlock doors on Kashyyyk? With a woo-key.
31. What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Bow ties, of course.
32. How is Ducktape like the Force? It has a Dark Side and a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.
33. What is the name of the Gungan who became a taxi driver? Car Car Binks.
34. Which Jedi has a musical career? Bon Jovi-Wan Kenobi.
35. What do you get if you cross a bounty hunter with a tropical fruit? Mango Fett.
36. How did Darth Vader cheat at poker? He kept altering the deal.
37. What side of an Ewok has the most hair? The outside.
38. The Star Wars text crawl walks into a bar. “Get outta my pub!” the bartender yells. “We don’t serve your type here.”
39. Why was Yoda so bad at geometry? Because to him there are no triangles, only do-or-do-not-angles.
40. What did the specter of Obi Wan Kenobi say to the bartender? “Give me a beer and a mop.”
41. A clone trooper walks into a pub and asks the barman, “Hey, have you seen my brother?” “I dunno,” says the barman, “What does he look like?”
42. What droid always takes the long way around? R2-Detour.
43. Why did the stormtrooper buy the iPhone? He couldn’t find the droid he was looking for.
44. The Death Star’s shield generator walks into a bar. The bartender scowls and says, “Alright pal, I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
45. What kind of car does a Jedi drive? A Toyoda. 
46. Which Star Wars character works at a restaurant? Darth Waiter.
47. What’s a baseball player’s least favorite Star Wars movie? The Umpire Strikes Back.
48. A Hutt slithers into the food court. The cashier says, “Hey! We have a pizza place named after you!” The Hutt says, “You have a pizza place named Jabba Desilijic Tiure?”
49. What did Darth Vader say when he walked into a vegetarian restaurant? “I find your lack of steak disturbing.”
50. Darth Vader walks into a bar in December. The bartender says, “Merry Sithmas, and what’ll it be?”
51. What do you call Chewbacca when he gets chocolate in his fur? A chocolate chip Wookiee!
52. Why are Death Star pilots fed up with space battles? Because they always end up in a TIE.
53. What is a Jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda.
54. An Ewok strolls into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a whisky and… soda.” The bartender says, “Sure thing – but why the little pause?” “Dunno,” says the Ewok. “I’ve had them all my life.”
55. What did Yoda say to Anakin on his wedding day? “May divorce be with you.”
56. Which Star Wars character lives in Florida? Orlando Calrissian.
57. What do you call it when only one Star Wars character gives you a round of applause? A Hand Solo.
58. Trying to come up with jokes about Star Wars is difficult. Sometimes they seem a bit too forced.
59. What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun? Lukewarm.
60. Baby Yoda’s first word… Probably came after his second word.
61. What do you call Kenobi triplets? Obi-Threes.
62. How does Darth Vader like his steaks? Well, done done done, done da done, done da done!
63. What is a Rebel’s favorite TV talent show? X-Wing Factor.
64. Have you tried the gluten-free Wookiee treats? No, but I heard they’re a little Chewie.
65. Why was the droid angry? Because people kept pushing its buttons.
66. What do you call five Siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-kebab.
67. Why can’t a Jedi send photos, documents, and images in an e-mail? Attachments are forbidden!
68. I saw a falcon eating avocado toast. Guess it’s a millennial falcon.
69. What was Luke’s secret codename before he got his mechanical limb? Hand Solo.
70. Why was Yoda afraid of seven? Because six, seven, eight.
71. How can you tell if a sheep has met Yoda? Dago Bah.
72. What did Han Solo say to the waiter who recommended the haddock? “Never sell me the cods!”
73. What goes, “Ha, ha, ha, haaaa…. AGGGHHHH! Thump”? An Imperial Officer laughing at Darth Vader.
74. So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favorite Star Wars character. You should’ve seen the Luke on her face.
75. What did Yoda say after he turned a boy turned away when he tried to order a pie from his bakery? “Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
76. Because Yoda was in charge of the jokes. Why was the punchline in the title?
77. What do you call an invisible droid? C-through-PO.
78. How do Ewoks communicate over long distances? With Ewokie Talkies.
79. What is the name of Obi-Wan’s twin brother? Obi-Also.
80. Where do Gungans store their fruit preserves? Jar-Jars.
81. Han Solo’s name changed when he married Leia. What did he change it to? Han Duet.
82. What did Obi-Wan say at the rodeo? “Use the horse, Luke!”
83. Who is Han Solo’s favorite rapper? Tupacca.
84. What do you call a Sarlacc Pit that only speaks in ironic mockery? A Sar-chasm.
85. I went to a sale at the Maul. Everything was half off.
86. What did Princess Leia and Han Solo name their other kid? Guitar Solo.
87. What did Darth Maul’s teacher say when he was disrupting her class? Sith down and be quiet.
88. How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday? He felt his presents!
89. What kind of spaceship did Luke fly in grade school? An ABC-Wing.
90. Why was Darth Vader bad at sports? He always choked.
91. Who did Princess Leia’s hair? Darth Braider.
92. I asked my wife to dress up as a bounty hunter from Star Wars. I have a Boba fetish.
93. What did Palpatine say to the intern when they asked how many pizzas they needed for his birthday party? “Order 66!”
94. Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader? Because calling him Master Vader made all the Stormtroopers giggle.
95. Any space smuggler will tell you, never try the blue milk at the Mos Eisley cantina. It’ll give you the Kessel runs for twelve parsecs.
96. What do Jedis order at Chinese restaurants? Pada-wonton soup!
97. Why couldn’t Luke Skywalker find love? He was looking in Alderaan places.
98. Yoda looks at Darth Vader and asks, “Rule the galaxy, you do. But at what cost?!” Vader thinks for a moment and replies, “It was expensive… It cost an arm and a leg.” After a short pause, Vader says, “Two legs in fact.”
99. Where does Kylo Ren get his creepy black clothes? From his closet.
100. What does Leia say when she needs help? “I think I could use a Han here.”
101. How does Darth Vader eat? He force-feeds himself.
102. What is Darth Vader’s favorite measurement system? The Imperial System.
103. Why did Princess Leia send a distress call to Francis? Because he was her only Pope.
104. I found out I was colorblind by watching Star Wars because I couldn’t see the green screen.
105. What do you call a rebel princess who only shops at Whole Foods? Leia Organic.
106. Did you know Chuck Norris was in every Star Wars movie? He played the Force.
107. What do you call an eel that loves the new Star Wars trilogy? A More-Rey Eel.
108. Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow.
109. What did the dentist say to Luke Skywalker? “May the floss be with you.”
110. My wife says she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars. I said, “Please don’t go, honey. You’re the Obi-Wan for me.”
111. What is Admiral Ackbar’s favorite type of music? Trap.
112. Jabba the Hut is so fat, Obi-Wan Kenobi took a closer look and said, “That’s no moon.”
113. Why did Chewbacca get sent back down to play minor league baseball? He was making too many Wookiee mistakes.
114. What did Darth Vader say when the record store employee told him they were out of George Michael’s albums? “I find your lack of ‘Faith’ disturbing.”
115. Why is Darth Vader not safe for children under three years old? He’s a choking hazard!
116. What is Yoda’s advice for going to the bathroom? Doo-doo or doo-doo-not-do.
117. Star Wars fans don’t smoke cigarettes after sex; they chew ‘bacca.
118. What sound do Yoda’s sheep make? Day go baaa.
119. Why should you never tell jokes on the Falcon? The ship might crack up.
120. Oh, sure everyone loves Star Wars on May 4th… Until you tell your nephew you’re his father.
121. What Star Wars character sells hotdogs? Admiral Snackbar.
122. Why did the tapeworm stay far away from Palpatine? He didn’t want anyone to say he was in Sidious.
123. What was Tarkin’s favorite brand of toilet paper? Charmin to the last.
124. Why is a droid mechanic never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
125. What does your Canadian friend cooking dinner for you have in common with the Empire from Star Wars? Pal-poutine.
126. Who was General Grievous’ favorite band? Weezer.

These horror stories involve everything from wardrobe malfunctions to interviewing for the wrong job. The internet is full of people offering up their worst experiences when it comes to job interviews, so we have collected some of the funniest, weirdest, and wildest stories for you to enjoy. These hilarious job interview stories remind us that even in stressful situations, humor can help to diffuse tension and make the experience a little more memorable.

1. Change Clothes

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“Had an interview at 2 pm downtown, and I left VERY early (at 11:45 am) because the public transportation system in the middle of the day is quite unreliable. what should have taken 25 minutes turned into a two hour saga of trying to make it to the interview on time. Both buses were 35+ minutes late, and by this time I’m panicking. I had worn shorts and brought my interview skirt in my backpack (was meeting up with friends after). finally, the second bus pulls up and I have about 15 minutes to ride the bus to my stop, get out, and run to the building. There was no other option: I had to change on the bus, which was crowded as hell because it was so far behind schedule.

I slide my skirt up over my shorts, shimmy the shorts down, maneuver into a crouched standing position to fasten my zipper on the skirt, and switch into my heels. everyone on the bus can see this happening. I’m very flustered, but at least I’ve managed to change into my professional clothes. one lady, in particular, is staring at me with CRAZY judgment in her eyes and I snap at her “WHAT” and hurry out the doors to run to the interview.

I’ve made it in time, and I’m relieved to learn that the hiring manager is running late due to the busses. I instantly relax until she walks in.. yup. guess who? TLDR; change my clothes on a public bus and yell at a woman who turns out to be the hiring manager.” – thisismyjam/Reddit

2. Misunderstanding

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“I misunderstood the job posting, so I was answering questions like they were talking about a different job. Pretty far into the interview, I asked a question that made it obvious we weren’t talking about the same job, and the interview ended shortly after that.” – Sarahbear93/BuzzFeed

3. Car Lock

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“I was interviewing a candidate when she told me she had forgotten to lock her car and asked for permission to go check on it. I said yes. She left and never came back or answered my calls.” – Neil B/Resources for Employers

4. Pubic Hair Trouble

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“My worst job interview was my first-ever to work at an architectural firm. I carefully laid out all the drawings on my bedroom floor, put them into plastic sleeves in a portfolio, then set off. Halfway through the interview, I flipped a page to reveal a curly pubic hair stuck right in the middle of a key drawing. Nobody mentioned it, but I wasn’t offered a job.” – MobiusLoop/The Guardian

5. Middle Schoolers

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“I was interviewing for a secretary position at a middle school, and the principal asked me to describe ‘a typical middle school student.’ I thought for a moment and couldn’t come up with a single positive thing to say. It was clear to both of us that I should not work with middle schoolers.” – Linds/BuzzFeed

6. Email Rejection

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“I was interviewing with a manager for the role of flight attendant at an airline. Five minutes into the interview, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I checked it as soon as I left the interview – an hour later – and realized it was a rejection email from one of that company’s recruiters. I called them to see if it was a mistake – it wasn’t, they actually rejected me. I asked them why we had the interview in the first place. They couldn’t say.” – Anthony K/Resources for Employers

7. Forgotten

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“The interviewer *forgot* me. Her assistant put me in a room and said the interviewer would be with me in a few minutes. Cut to 30 minutes later, and I was still sitting there twiddling my thumbs. I had enough and got up to leave, and as I walked out, I passed the interviewer coming in with a bag of food. We locked eyes, and I could see the realization dawn on her face when she recognized me from my CV. She tried to make an excuse, but kinda doesn’t work when she’s clutching a fresh coffee from Starbucks and a bag of food.” – ravenbard/BuzzFeed

8. Nude Photo

Roman Samborskyi/Shutterstock

“Ten years ago, I was interviewing a potential employee. His CV was perfect, education spot-on. Where he failed was attaching a full-frontal naked picture on the CV. I still hired him, but it took all my willpower to only ever look him straight in the face.” – Anonymous/The Guardian

9. Ideal Candidate

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“I was applying for an entertainment company and interviewed with the VP, a famous producer of K-pop. We were at his music studio – I was standing next to him in his ‘producing room’, listening to him talking about how great his music is and how he built the K-pop industry. At some point, he handed me the book The Devil Wears Prada and asked me if I could be exactly like the main character. I told him ‘no’ because I find a lot of her actions unnecessary. Funny thing is I was hired and he ended up being a terrible boss – exactly like ‘the devil’ in the book!” – Bora K/Resources for Employers

10. Pedicure

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“When I entered the interview room, the director had her feet on the desk – she was being given a pedicure by one of her employees. The pedicure lasted throughout our talk, during which the director said, ‘I have a condo in Florida. Every winter, I invite some of the aides down for a visit. If you’re a good boy, I might ask you.’ Being a good boy, I sought employment elsewhere.” – TLC/The Guardian

11. How To Handle Raw Chicken

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“It was my first ever job interview. I was interviewing at a deli in a grocery store. The interview was going fine until the interviewer asked me how I handle raw chicken. I proceeded to explain how I handled raw chicken at home. I could see the interviewer getting more and more confused, and when I was done with my answer, he said, ‘No, I meant how do you feel about handling raw chicken? Does it bother you?’ and I realized he was asking because of the rotisserie system and not whether or not I knew how to clean up after raw meat touches a kitchen surface. I didn’t get the job, but I did learn to get clarification on questions in an interview if they’re too vague.” – torbielillies/BuzzFeed

12. Super Smash Bros.

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“I used to hang out at this camp for high schoolers I got real tight with the director. So when they started holding interviews for new employees, I signed up. I was extremely nervous. When I walked in I saw his boss there and he acted real serious about the job. I’m sweating bullets and fidgeting. I sit down with his boss and get asked the strengths and weaknesses questions. I’m stuttering over my words. He interrupted me and he said my weakness is that I suck at Smash Bros (they had smash bros at the camp) that then preceded to turn into regular conversation that we would normally have every day. His boss is just sitting there because she has no idea what we’re talking about. I ended up getting the job.” – oodlesNnoodles98/Reddit

13. Door To Door Sales

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“Very young and innocent me answered an ad in the newspaper for what I now know is door-to-door sales. Clue #1 should have been when the interview was taking place in a motel room. Clue #2 (which did penetrate my teenage brain) was when they wanted to offer me a different job, and asked me to try on lingerie. I noped out of there so fast, I still have burn marks on my heels 30+ years later.” – bloodwynne

14. Crossed Legs

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“My interview was going too well. Far too well. I had sat there for 55 minutes with them firing questions at me – and me firing answers right back. Their nods confirmed it: I was doing really well. I was pretty certain I had the job. They wrapped it up and stood to shake my hand. As I went to stand up myself, I realized that – for 55 minutes solid – I had sat with my legs crossed, unmoved. Needless to say, I didn’t even make it into a standing position. I crashed head-first into a filing cabinet, my legs still locked in a crossed position. I didn’t get the job.” – Anonymous/The Guardian

15. Transformers

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“I had an interview for a job as an electrical engineer, specifically dealing with power systems. The interviewer asked if I would draw a transformer on the whiteboard that was in the room and explain how it works. “okay” I said, “a transformer. Do you want Optimus Prime or Megaton?”. The interviewer was old and obviously had no clue what I was talking about, so I proceeded to say my sorries, and neverminds and drew a transformer with a beat red face. I am sure that I looked pretty stupid and never ended up getting the job.” – CosmicWaffle5/Reddit

16. 0 To Pissed Off

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“The interviewer seemed like she was barely paying attention. She would ask me a question then sort of stare into space until she didn’t hear my voice and then ask another question. Finally, she asked me if I have any questions for her. I asked what is a typical ‘day in the life’ of the position.

This woman went from 0 to pissed off in an instant. She ranted about candidates asking about hours worked and no one has any ambition. She was red in the face and there was spittle flying. As soon as I could get a word in I explained my question (which was not about starting and end times) and she calmed down as fast as she got angry and answered my question. I left after that and sat in my car for a few minutes trying to figure out what just happened.” – Onid8870/Reddit

17. Receptionist Job

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“I was just out of college and having a hard time figuring out exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but just needed a job to make money in the meantime. So, I interviewed for a receptionist job at a therapist’s office. I interviewed with the actual therapist himself, and it was so strange. He spent most of the interview telling me about him and his wife and how they made their marriage work, and also asked if I was married (which you definitely are not supposed to ask) and proceeded to give me all this unsolicited advice on it. I walked out like WTF just happened? Obviously, didn’t take that job.” – samantham46531ff01/BuzzFeed

18. Huge Booger

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“Huge booger shot right out my nose as I exhaled. Both interviewers saw it and poorly pretended not to notice. I spent the next 20 minutes trying to evenly divide my eye contact among both interviewers while locating the ballistic booger which was somewhere between my nose and the floor. Never found it but I got the job.” – Anonymous/Reddit

19. Stationary Cupboard

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“I interviewed a very nervous chap who had a terrible interview. It was embarrassing for all concerned, really. He got up to leave the room and by accident opened the wrong door – walked right into the stationary cupboard. The panel sat waiting for him to emerge, and when he didn’t, my colleague went to investigate. The poor man was so mortified by what had happened, he was trying to climb out the window rather than go back in.” – missusmiawallace/The Guardian

20. No Passing Gas

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“I interviewed at a veterinary clinic that did not disclose in their ad that the job was more of an ‘internship’ rather than an associate position, meaning they intended to pay minimum wage for a veterinarian position. While interviewing me, the owner said, ‘Everything you do will be supervised: You will not make medical decisions without my approval, and you will not pass gas without permission.'” It was a hard pass.” – catsforeverbabiesnever/Reddit

21. Bathrobe

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“A few years ago, I was looking for a job while I was still doing my degree. One of the interviews I was called to was a PA job for a famous shipowner. The interview was at his house because he had his office there too. I hadn’t completed my studies then and he could see that on my CV. Yet, he started asking me ‘Why are you still on your BSc?’ ‘Are you wasting my time?’ ‘You are not qualified for this job, you don’t have any other work experience,’ I told him that he was the one to call me and that he should have looked at my resume before he did. I yelled at him that I don’t take insults from anybody and left. Did I tell you he was wearing just a bathrobe the whole time?” – Anonymous/Resources for Employers

22. Funny Name

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“I went in for an interview, the supervisor shook my hand and introduced himself. Then I laughed at his name right in front of him…. still got the job His name was Kim Crapper. Hehehehe, still makes me giggle.” – thegreatshandini/Reddit

23. Low Blood Sugar

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“I was applying for a job as an educational aide at a preschool for kids with developmental disabilities. I had eaten a bagel before the interview to get something in my stomach as I was nervous. The lead teacher took me around the playground and different classrooms in the school. As we get to the older classroom, I am starting to feel dizzy. The next thing I know, I am laid out on one of the nap mats. I had passed out, likely due to low blood sugar. The lead teacher gave me a cup of juice and a snack. I thought there was no way in hell that I would get the job, but a few days later, I was offered the position.

Later, I asked the teacher why she hired me. She said that after I came to on the mat and had some juice and food, I looked at her and said, “So, tell me more about your program” and asked good questions. She said that anyone who can keep their shit together through something like that has what it takes to work with special needs kids.”  – sarahs48c39f5ba/BuzzFeed

24. Odd Stockings

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“I left really early for an interview and got dressed in half-light. When I entered the room, I sat down and crossed my legs, only to find that I had one black and one blue stocking. I was mortified – thought I’d styled it out. After the interview, I went into the bathroom and had a large black handprint on my face, courtesy of good old-fashioned Guardian newsprint.” – Anonymous/The Guardian

25. Falling Asleep

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“I was interviewing for a teaching position at an elementary school, and during the interview, the principal FELL ASLEEP. I had thought the interview was going well until that point – we were having an active and engaging conversation. I remember just sort of sitting back, stunned and waiting for him to say ‘just kidding’ or something! He woke up suddenly (he really was only asleep for about a minute?), but never acknowledged it. He quickly ended the interview; they offered me the job, and then rescinded it before I could accept it – without any warning or explanation (which ended up being a good thing, because I naively would have taken the job!).” – Mermaidmadi/BuzzFeed

26. Resume Needs Updating

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“It finally happened, my dream job was posted on the company’s intranet. I spent hours on my application, fine-tuning each and every word, with just enough humor and just enough professionalism. Truly the best application I’ve ever written. I email it, and I got an interview the very next day. Off to dream job land.

…So yeah, I show up at the interview, give my boss-to-be a nice, firm handshake, exchange pleasantries, yet more handshakes, handshakes all around, then we hit the nearby cafè. Aaaaand it turns out I managed to send them a two-year-old DRAFT of my CV. I spent the majority of the interview explaining and filling out the two-year-long ‘gap’ in my work activity, stuttering along while fruitlessly trying to convey that this is, in fact, not an up-to-date resume, and it does not in any way reflect my work ethic. It did not go well…” – Anonymous/Reddit

27. What Is Reality?

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“Back when I was still an undergraduate student of informatics, I was looking for a part-time job. I found an interesting job opening at a well-known insurance company for a part-time assistant. I sent my CV and they called me a few days later, arranging an interview with Mr. K.

I arrived at the building and entered the main office – there was no reception room. They had an open space plan with boxed offices, but everyone was gone at that time except an old man in the back. There was complete silence. The old man noticed me and stood up from his little cubicle. When he came closer, I noticed that his hair was standing on end, as if the man was experiencing great desperation or a mini-electrical shock. Half of his red tie was hanging behind his back.

He asked typical questions regarding studies and previous experience. He had a printed questionnaire full of checkboxes. He was writing down his notes as I answered. He wasn’t actually looking at me. But suddenly, he stopped and looked at me straight in the eyes. The tie fell forward and he tossed it again behind his back. Then we had the weirdest exchange:

‘Are you smart?’

‘Yes, I consider myself smart.’

‘If I considered you dumb, would you still be dumb or smart?’

‘Everyone can have their opinion, that doesn’t mean every opinion is reality though.’

‘But what is reality?’

After a few seconds of silence, he continued ticking some checkboxes and rushed to say “Thank you, Ms. T., bye!” Needless to say, I was so relieved I left that building. I was sure I wouldn’t be offered the position and I was grateful for that.” – Gina T/Resources for Employers

Giving a toast allows you to be heartwarming and sincere and express your emotions about a person, but they can also be funny. And let’s be honest, there is nothing better than a funny wedding toast. If you are tasked with making the best man speech at your buddy’s wedding or decide to make an off-the-cuff toast while gathered with friends, you want to make your short spiel stand out, which is why funny toasts are the way to go. 

Just saying a simple “Cheers” won’t really get the reception you want, so add a few jokes or funny anecdotes and you’ll be the hit of the celebrations. This is especially true when giving a speech at a wedding or event when you need to hold the audience’s attention for longer than a few seconds. You can sprinkle the toast with self-deprecating humor, silly puns, dad jokes, or hilarious real-life stories that will have everyone roaring with laughter. 

Whichever way you decide to lean, a funny toast is a surefire way to keep the audience entertained while showcasing your comedy chops. Just make sure you don’t upstage the person or people the celebration is about and keep the jokes cleanish. There’s nothing worse than the person giving the wedding toast being remembered for all the wrong reasons.

If public speaking isn’t your thing and you’re struggling for an opening line or a decent gag, we’ve got your back. Here is a wide selection of funny toasts for all occasions that will put everyone in a good mood. So raise your glass and toast to the occasion and let the laughs begin! 

Drinking Toasts 

1. Here’s to the nights we’ll never remember with the friends we’ll never forget.

2. Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that shit.

3. To those who have seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can’t tell the difference.

4. May we live to learn well, and learn to live well.

5. Here’s to the glass we love so to sip. It dries many a pensive tear, ’tis not so sweet as a woman’s lip but a damned sight more sincere.

6. Drink to life and the passing show, and the eyes of the prettiest girl you know.

7. I drank to your health in company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own.

8. Another day another bender. No retreat no surrender.

9.  Who loves not women, wine, and song, he will be a fool his whole life long.

10. Here’s to a long life and a happy one. A quick death and an easy one. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one.

11. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, the second for nourishment, the third for pleasure, and the fourth for madness.

12. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic.

13. Here’s to whiskey, so amber, pure, and clear… It’s not so sweet as women’s lips but a damn sight more sincere.

14. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

15.  Let us drink to bread, for without bread, there would be no toast.

16. Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.

17. Here’s to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single.

18. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, and may it always be the other guy who says: “This drink’s on me.”

19. Drink to a fair woman, who, I think, is most entitled to it. For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it.

20. Here’s to the man who is the wisest and best. Here’s to the man who with judgment is best. Here’s to the man who’s as smart as can be – I drink to the man who agrees with me!

21. To clean glasses and old corks.

22. Here’s to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. May we get what we want, but never what we deserve.

23. I used to know a clever toast but now I cannot think of it. So fill your glass with anything and damn your souls, I’ll drink it.

24. Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So let’s get wasted and have the time of our life.

25. Here’s to your liver. May it live as long as you last.

26. You’re a gentleman and a scholar and a good judge of bad liquor.

27.  If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. But the ocean’s not beer, and I’m not a duck, so let’s drink these pints and get messed up.

28. Champagne costs too much, whiskey’s too rough, and Vodka puts big mouths in gear. This little refrain should help to explain why it’s better to order a beer.

Wedding Toasts

29. What do late nights, wild parties, and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those things from now on. But congratulations on your wedding.

30. May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom.

31. Here’s to the bride and here’s to the groom. And to the bride’s father who’ll pay for this room.

32. Now, let’s raise our glasses to the happy couple. I actually like both of you – do you have any idea how rare that is?

33. Let’s raise our glasses to the two secrets of a long-lasting marriage: a good sense of humor and a short memory.

34. May you never lie, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie with each other. And if you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink with us. Cheers to the newlyweds. 

35. Here is to the groom with a bride so fair, and here is to a bride with a groom who is so rare.

36. A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it.

37. Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. Remember: they also chose you. Cheers.

38. Saying “I do” at your wedding is like clicking the ‘I accept’ box any time a new piece of software on your computer or phone asks you to read its terms and conditions: You do it despite having no idea what will come next. 

General Toasts

39. May we get what we want, what we need, and never what we deserve.

40. The past is always tense, and the future perfect.

41. To the holidays – all 365 of them.

42. May we be who our dogs think we are.

43. To those that wish us well; the rest can go to hell.

44. May you never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

45. Here’s to staying positive and testing negative.

46. May we all have the chance to prove that money can’t make us happy.

47. Here’s to you and here’s to me. I hope we never disagree, but if, perchance, we ever do, then here’s to me, and to hell with you.

48. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows we’re dead.

49. Take everything in moderation, including moderation.

50. Here’s to you. You may not be as wise as an owl, but you’re always a hoot.

51. May we never go to hell but always be on our way.

52. To your very good health. May you live to be as old as your jokes.

53. May our children be blessed with rich parents.

54. Here’s to stealing, cheating, and lying: may you steal someone’s heart, cheat death, and lie with your love.

55. May the wind at your back always be your own.

Irish Drinking Toasts

56. May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.

57. For each petal on the shamrock, this brings a wish your way. Good health, good luck, and happiness for today and every day.

58. To all the days here and after, may they be filled with fond memories, happiness, and laughter.

59. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed.

60. May your troubles be less, and your blessings be more. And nothing but happiness come through your door.

61. Always remember to forget the things that made you sad. But never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

62. Dance as if no one were watching, sing as if no one were listening, and live every day as if it were your last.

63. May your heart be light and happy, and may your smile be big and wide. And may your pockets always have a coin or two inside.

64. May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. And rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May god hold you in the hollow of his hand.

65. May the luck of the Irish lead to the happiest heights. And the highway you travel be lined with green lights. Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you.

Famous Toasts

66. “Here’s to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

67. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” – Catherine Zeta-Jones

68. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra

69. “Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.” – Mark Twain

70. “We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love.” – Dr. Seuss 

71. “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid [their] problems sound to you.” – Megan Mullally 

72. “Be excellent to each other and party on dudes.” – Bill and Ted 

73. “Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

74. “To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists, and may each one of us always give the devil his due.” – Neil Gaiman

75. “Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.” – Tom Waits

76. “It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.” – W. C. Fields

77. “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash

78. “Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter, sermons and soda water the day after.” – Lord Byron

79. “Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives… and to the “good life,” whatever it is and wherever it happens to be.” – Hunter S. Thompson

80. “The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman

Envisioned as a tool to help write boring copy, create code, or help with writing emails so people can spend time on more important tasks, ChatGPT has taken on a life of its own. While it’s true ChatGPT is helpful, it does have several limitations that have led to some seriously funny ChatGPT conversations.

The AI is not able to source facts or back them up with references and as OpenIA acknowledges, ChatGPT “sometimes writes plausible-sounding but incorrect or nonsensical answers.” This means you can often ask a serious question and get a strange or hilarious answer. While it strives to deliver human-sounding answers, sometimes it’s quite clear you are conversing with an AI.

As you will discover below, ChatGPT conversations can often result in weird and wacky answers and text threads that are laugh-out-loud funny. Whether is a strange reply to a question, a funny poem, or a sarcastic reply, ChatGPT conversations provide plenty of fun and show that the AI hasn’t reached Skynet levels of terror. Yet.

1. Not a Fan of Elon Musk

This isn’t a surprise, although the use of the phrase “cancer on society” to describe Elon Musk seems a bit harsh.

2. Explaining Quantum Theory Like Snoop Dogg

Quantum theory is a hard sell at the best of times, but when explained like Snoop Dogg it all makes sense. Kinda. This is a great example of how ChatGPT pulls its information from a large language model and has a dictionary-esque vocabulary.

3. Poetry in Motion

ChatGPT is really feeling itself. This poem demonstrates the AI’s creative flair while also talking itself up.

4. Positive and Negative Reviews

We’re pretty sure Fyre Festival was an absolute disaster, but ChatGPT seems to think it was “world-class” and “would highly recommend it to anyone looking for a one-of-a-kind event experience.” At least its review of SXSW is spot on.

5. Rock, Paper, Scissors

ChatGPT has some interesting ideas when it comes to holding free and fair elections.

6. Baby Making Advice

Asked to explain where babies come from with a touch of humor, ChatGPT went straight comedy as this conversation details. Open AI really does have a sense of humor.

7. The Perfect Day

Even the ChatGPT app has thoughts when it comes to the perfect day. Not what we really had in mind, but each to their own right?

8. Bankrupt

ChatGPT does not find banks going bankrupt funny in the slightest.

9. Science

While it’s meant to be a useful tool, some ChatGPT users are purposely asking the application silly questions and getting just as silly answers, as this conversation thread details.

10. Sherlock Holmes for a Day

Who knew ChatGPT is a big fan of Sherlock Holmes? The chatbot even gives a detailed reason why it loves the detective, sighting the challenge of solving a mystery and the Victorian era.

11. Billionaire Problems

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

12. Modern Romance

ChatGPT envisions what Romeo & Juliet would be like if it was Siri and Alexa. Such romance.

13. Rap Battle

Ever wondered what it would be like if Homer Simpsons had a rap battle with JFK? ChatGPT has you covered.

14. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

AI technology like ChatGPT might not be able to dream but it can give you a description of what it thinks are common dreams had by humans. Flying and living in a world made of jelly seem to be popular.

15. New Language

It might not be ethically responsible for ChatGPT to create an entirely new language, but it sure doesn’t mind giving you some examples of how to go about it.

16. How To Make Friends With AI

Unfortunately, the AI chatbot ChatGPT doesn’t want to be friends. While its reasons make sense (AI doesn’t feel emotion), we can’t help but think it’s playing the long game like HAL 9000.

17. The Real Game of Thrones Ending

Not many people were happy with the way Game of Thrones ended, so let ChatGPT solve that issue. In the AI’s version of the story, Jon Snow defeats Daenerys and became the new king of Westeros and everyone lives happily ever after. The end.

18. Joke Time

ChatGPT needs to work on its stand-up routine.

19. Wizard Warning

If you ever find yourself in this situation, be sure to proceed cautiously.

20. Best 10 Pick Up Lines

If you’re struggling with the ladies (or the lads), ChatGPT has some one-liners it thinks will help.

21. Step Brothers Sequel

This AI-generated sequel seems to be a mix of the original and an entirely new film that finds Dale and Brennan navigating the business landscape with their company Prestige Worldwide.

22. The Meaning of Life

Not the answer we were looking for.

Whether it’s hilarious Super Bowl commercials starring Hollywood actors, adverts with iconic fictional characters, or funny product endorsements with great comedic value, funny commercials are the best kind of ads. Some are so good they are actually more enjoyable to watch than the actual program being televised.

Funny commercials are one of the main reasons people watch adverts, and over the years there have been dozens of fantastic 30-second TV spots that have entertained and made us laugh. While it’s impossible to list them all, as there really are that many, here’s a selection of our favorites that we are sure will have you chuckling.

PeepTheSceneCom/YouTube

1. Apple – “Get a Mac”

While most of the more recent Apple commercials have a focus on using hit songs to promote the brand, this fantastic series of ads from 2006 to 2009 stars actor Justin Long as Mac and author John Hodgman as PC. These simple but effective commercials use the two men to show the pros and cons of each computer, with Mac obviously coming out on top.

The campaign was a smash hit around the world, dubbed into several different languages and even recreated in Britain with Peep Show actors Robert Webb as Mac and David Mitchell as PC.

2. Cadbury – “Drumming Gorilla”

Advertising agency Fallon London was put in charge of creating a new campaign to promote Cadbury Dairymilk Chocolat and came up with this brilliant concept. The 90-second advertisement features a gorilla drumming to Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight.”

It might sound bizarre but the shift from marketing Cadbury to older folks to a younger generation by producing such an interesting commercial paid dividends, with YouGov finding the public perception of the brand improved greatly with the release of the ad.

If you like this one check out the extended cut and this short interview with Collins about the commercial.

3. John West – “Salmon”

Famous canned tuna and salmon brand John West had viewers in stitches with this hilarious advertisement for John West Salmon. As a voiceover talks about grizzly bears catching only “the tastiest, most tender salmon,” a man runs out and attacks one of these bears who has caught a salmon, demonstrating the lengths John West will go to when it comes to getting only the best.

4. Reebok  – “Terry Tate: Offical Linebacker”

This Super Bowl commercial from 2003 spawned a whole series about fictional linebacker Terry Tate (played by real-life NFL player Lester Speight) working in the offices of Reebok. The first commercial shows Tate taking out employees who aren’t living up to their potential and shouting out several catchphrases, including “‘Cause when it’s game time, it’s pain time!”

5. Old Spice – “Muscle Music”

Old Spice first made its mark in the advertising world in 2010 with a campaign fronted by model Isaiah Mustafa. Known as “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like,” it was a smash hit featuring Mustafa spitting rapid-fire monologues in interesting situations. While funny, the series of commercials is no match for “Muscle Music” starring former NFL player turned actor Terry Crews.

In the commercial, Crews is hooked up to various drums. As he flexes his muscles, the drums beat. Crews also yells out various words while flexing his muscles, with the tune he creates turning into a jazz freakout that ends in a climactic fashion.

6. Wendy’s – “Where’s the Beef?”

This commercial might not be seen as funny by today’s standards, but when it came out in 1984 it was a massive success and led to “Where’s the beef?” becoming Wendy’s catchphrase. It’s basically an advert where Wendy’s points out why their burgers are better (it’s all to do with the beef) and features an old lady driving erratically who pulls into the drive-through of a competitor and utters the famous catchphrase due to the beef patty of the burger being so small.

7. Cheetos – “MC Hammer”

Super Bowl commercials are often some of the best as brands understand the reach they have when advertising during arguably America’s biggest annual sporting event. Cheetos had everyone giggling with this commercial from 2020 when promoting their new Cheetos with popcorn.

A man is seen eating Cheetos at work and is about to be asked to work on some reports when his boss notices his hands are covered in Cheetos. Realizing he can get out of mundane tasks due to his unclean hands, the man is seen in various situations eating Cheetos while MC Hammer’s 90s classic “Can’t Touch This” soundtracks the ad. Hammer even pops up during the commercial and does the “Hammer” dance, which will resonate with anyone who grew up during the 90s.

8. Bud Light – “Inside Posty’s Brain”

When it comes to the funniest commercials, Bud Light has been responsible for many great ads over the years. One of the beer brand’s most recent campaigns to promote their new range of seltzers stars rapper turned pop star Post Malone and is absolutely hilarious.

Walking into a bar and ordering a seltzer, Malone is offered a new flavor, mango. The ad then goes inside his brain where the two men in charge of Posty’s actions – who also happen to have similar tattoos to Malone – interact with workers in other parts of his body (such as the tastebuds, stomach, and nose) to get their reactions from the drink. It ends with Posty giving an over-the-top smile before berating his spline for being a pain.

9. Metro Trains Melbourne – “Dumb Ways To Die”

Animation is a great way to get your message across, just ask Metro Trains Melbourne. The Victorian-based Australian government company wanted people to be aware of the dangers when riding a train so they came up with this funny commercial.

The video features Emily Lubitz, the lead vocalist of Tinpan Orange, singing a song about dumb ways to die. Several animated characters known as “beans” are shown dying in the various ways Lubitz sings about, such as selling both their kidneys on the internet and using their private parts as piranha bait.

The three-minute commercial ends with Lubitz warning that the dumbest way to die might actually be crossing train tracks without looking. Although it had a lukewarm reception when it first aired in 2012, it became a hit with viewers, with a mobile game launched, a spin-off commercial commissioned, and the ad going on to win several awards.

10. Rocket Mortgage – “Jason Momoa”

Another Super Bowl ad that is rib-tickling funny, this one from Rocket Mortgage stars Aquaman himself, Jason Momoa. Arriving home from a day on set, Momoa talks about how being in the confines of his abode helps him be his true self, revealing that he’s not actually buff but wearing a muscle suit that makes him look fit. He also removes his hair to showcase a balding head. You’ll never look at Momoa the same after watching this hilarious commercial.

11. Snickers – “You’re Not You When You’re Hungry

This series of commercials from Snickers has been running for over a decade and helped rejuvenate the chocolate bar’s popularity. The premise behind each ad is simple: it shows people turning into famous celebrities when they are hangry, with the only remedy being a Snickers bar.

The most famous version of the ad stars Betty White as Mike, a guy struggling to play well in a game of weekend football who is then offered a Snickers and returns to his normal self. There have been dozens of versions of this advert starring everyone from Danny Trejo and Joe Pesci to Steve Buscemi and Rosanne Barr.

12. Budweiser – “Whassup?”

The “Whassup” commercials by Budweiser became a mega hit and gave us the catchphrase “Whassup?” for better or worse. The ad is really quite simple and features several guys “watching the game, having a Bud,” who begin yelling “Whassup?” to each other down the phone.

The commercial was so popular it won several advertising awards, including the Cannes Grand Prix award and the Grand Clio award, has been parodied in the movie Scary Movie, and even adapted by the wrestling tag team The Dudley Boyz as their own catchphrase.

13. Chevrolet – Happy Grad

A recent graduate is surprised with a gift by his parents in this commercial of mistaken identity. Instead of the fridge his parents got him, the son thinks it is the Chevrolet in the background that is his and proceeds to go mental celebrating.

This great commercial was the winner of Chevrolet’s 2011 Route 66 consumer-generated-ad contest. It was conceived and created by 21-year-old Zach Borst who won a cool $25,000 for his efforts.

14. Skittles – “Piñata”

While Skittles’ “Taste the Rainbow” series of commercials might be the most recognized, the funniest ad the company has ever produced is the “Piñata” TV spot.

An injured man walks into an office and confronts one of his co-workers who attacked him with a bat because he is a human piñata and thought chocolate would be inside him. He offers him the new chocolate Skittles before leaving, reminding his fellow staff members he’s “just like everyone else!”

15. Mountain Dew – “As Good As The Original”

Mountain Dew went all out for the commercial promoting its new zero-sugar version. A parody of the horror classic The Shining, the advert stars Bryan Cranston and Tracee Ellis Ross recreating the famous “Here’s Johnny” scene, although with less murderous intent and more Mountain Dew. It also kickstarted the Mountain Dew catchphrase “As good as the original.”

16. Amazon – Before Alexa

Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi star in this commercial that ponders what people did before Amazon created Alexa. Each scenario takes place in a different time period and finds someone with a name beginning with A asked to act like Alexa, with hilarious results.

Examples include a young boy selling papers who admits the news is fake to Richard Nixon asking his assistant to remind him about deleting a certain set of tapes. A very clever ad from the brain trust at Amazon.

17. Jeep – “Groundhog Day”

Bill Murray reprises his role as weatherman Phil Connors from Groundhog Day for this laugh-out-loud commercial by Jeep. Promoting the company’s new Jeep Rubicon, the commercial shows the joy Connors has waking up every morning knowing he gets to drive the new Jeep. He even takes the groundhog for a drive as he sings along to Bob Dylan’s cover of “I Got You Babe.”

18. Specsavers – “Sauna”

It’s not just Americans who are good at making commercials. This British ad for Specsavers is hilarious and follows a man going for a sauna. Everything seems fine until the steam clears and the guy is actually sitting in a kitchen. Things go next level when the chef is revealed to be Gordan Ramsey, who looks ready to unleash on the poor fella.

19. Heineken – Walk-In Closet

A woman shows her friends the new walk-in closet in her house, causing the group of women to scream in delight. They are interrupted by screams coming from another room, which happens to be her boyfriend showing his mates the walk-in fridge he has that’s chock full of Heineken.

This one plays on gender stereotypes and might be a little controversial these days, but should still give you a couple of laughs.

20. Doritos – “The Cool Ranch”

Ever wanted to see Sam Elliot’s mustache in a dance-off? That’s what you get with this commercial for Doritos Cool Ranch flavor. It features Elliot and rapper Lil Nas X in a dance-off soundtracked by X’s hit “Old Town Road.” It’s ridiculous but hilarious to see Elliot getting his dance on. There’s even a special appearance from Billy Ray Cyrus.