Being a good friend is tricky because all of your friends will have a different definition of a “good friend.” One of your friends might think you’re already the best friend that they could have, while another might think you need to work on a few things. But this isn’t your fault, they’re just looking for different things in a friendship.

To help you maintain your most coveted friendships, we’ve gathered tips to help even the most antisocial men stay in good standing with all of their comrades, even during a global pandemic. So, let’s get into what you came here to do.

Communicate

We’ve established that a friendship is like any other relationship, and relationships require communication. It’s important for friends to share major life updates that you’re excited about like getting a promotion, a new romantic relationship, or buying a house, but it’s equally important to communicate the less exciting news. Because let’s be real, as much as we wished that we did, not everyone has life-changing news to share every day. Maintaining a good friendship requires communication from both parties about the big and little things – the ups and the down.

To be a good friend, you can’t just tell your pal about all the happenings in your life, you’ve got to listen to him, and celebrate his wins as much as you would your own. Take him out for a celebratory dinner or a drink. Show him you’re excited about his success – not threatened by it. 

Make sure to communicate your needs to each other. Whether it’s a guy’s night out after a breakup or some space to clear your head, tell your friend where you’re at and what you need. If your friend communicates his needs, return the favor and listen. If he’s asking for a guy’s night out, show up. If he asks for space, give it. This communication will create trust and strengthen your bond.

Spend Time Together

This is an obvious one, but it’s not always put to practice. Close friendships require time spent together. It’s fun to hang out and do nothing (with the right person who isn’t a total snooze fest, obviously,) but sometimes it’s nice to have an activity to do, especially if it’s the beginning of your friendship.

Grab dinner together. This is a classic idea for an outing, and for good reason. Everyone’s got to eat, so it might as well be enjoyable. You can visit the same restaurant or try something new each time. Spend one night having a progressive dinner, where you eat each course at a different spot, like a pub crawl with food, or take turns choosing where you eat. When you have a fun activity planned, it’ll make getting together much more appealing and more likely to be followed through with even when life gets hectic as you were so looking forward to it all week.

If they’re not a foodie (are you sure you want to be this guy’s friend?) or you’ve exhausted the dinner option, come up with a bunch of activities that you’d like to do together, like a bucket list, and tick them off as you go along. This will give you both the motivation to plan frequent get-togethers, because who doesn’t love ticking off a to-do list?

If your friendship is long-distance, you should still find reasons to meet up. Whether you’re reuniting in a city halfway between you both for a night, or you’re visiting each other in your hometowns for the weekend, find a time that works for both of you, and stick to it. Since these types of meet-ups usually need more than a week to plan, canceling looks worse as you’ve had plenty of notice to figure out your schedule ahead of time.  

Remember, friendship is mutual. It requires effort. If you want to hang out with your friend, ask him to hang out. If your friend invites you, make the effort to show up. If you stop showing up, he’ll stop asking. Both of you need to continue to make suggestions in order to maintain a good friendship. 

Check-In On Him

If you want to have a friend, you have to be a friend, and friends check in on each other. It’s a small gesture, but it shows him he was on your mind, and you care about his wellbeing. Find a genuine way to reach out, and check in regularly. 

You can easily check in on your friend through a text message. In many ways, texting has made communication less meaningful, since you can C&P a text to pretty much anyone, but when done right, it can be an easy way to show your friend you care.

Ask him how he is and how he’s getting on with something he recently told you. Tell him to have a good day at work. Try to get something personal in there that could only be sent to him with the first text you reach out with. Something so simple such as “I hope the new job is going well! Let’s catch up over beers next Friday? I know a place you’ll enjoy” can instantly brighten your friend’s day. 

Technology makes it easy to be a good friend – you just have to utilize it. If your friend prefers to talk on the phone, give him a call. Ask him what he’s been up to lately – find out what shows he’s been bingeing, new restaurants he’s tried, how his family has been. Make sure everything is right in his world, and if it’s not, listen to him vent or suggest ways he can make a change. Be supportive and actually prove that you’re there for him. Many people say “let me know if there’s anything I can do,” then when the time comes for them to step up, all they have is excuses.

Think about how you’d like him to support you through a crisis, is it through thoughtful texts, phone calls, in-person meet-ups? Would you prefer for them to listen and give advice or just listen? This comes back to communication and understanding and delivering love in each other’s style.

It’s especially important to check in on your friend when you know he’s going through a hard time. Men are just as susceptible to mental health issues as women, in fact, many studies have shown that they suffer even more because it’s not talked about as much – let this be your motivation to keep checking in. Let your friend know it’s fine not to be fine, and that you’re there to help any way you can.

Be There for Important Events

When your friend has a major life event that he’d like you to attend, do everything you can to be there. He’s hit a huge milestone and he wants to share the memory with you (which is super flattering btw.)

If you’ve been the best friend that you can possibly be in the lead-up, he’ll also see you as part of the accomplishment. If he got a job promotion and you were the one to keep pushing him to work harder, kept him company whilst working late nights, or suggested ideas from a fresh perspective, he’ll want to thank you for helping him out. Showing up is the best way to acknowledge his appreciation whilst showing your support.

If he asks you to be a groomsman at his wedding, buy a tux. If his partner is throwing a surprise birthday party, come with a gift in hand. If he’s trying to pull off an elaborate engagement and wants his friends’ assistance, help him. Major life events are important, and they’re usually tons of fun. Show your loyalty and commitment to your friendship by being there when he asks. 

Be Honest

Honesty is one of the hallmarks of a great relationship, and it’s vital to a strong friendship. Be honest when you’re forming a friendship, and stay honest as it progresses. If you can’t be honest with your friends without the fear of losing them, then it’s probably time to find some new friends.

If they ask for your opinion on something, tell the truth. They clearly value your opinion if they came to you asking for it. Just make sure that you deliver it respectfully, there’s a difference between being honest and being rude.

Be honest about what you like and dislike. Don’t try to force a bond – connect on things you’re actually interested in. Who wants to pretend to be someone they aren’t? A friendship based on pretending to like the same things will slowly and surely fade. Instead, invest that time into others you don’t have to fake it with.

If you lie to your friend, even once, you risk losing their trust as they’ll question whether that really was the first time you lied to them. A good friend would never lie, even if it means upsetting them with the truth. They’ll eventually get over it, but there’s no telling whether they’ll get over a lie, so it’s simply just not worth the risk if you value them as a friend.

Tip # 1: Practice Before You Leave

Before embarking on your solo trip, we recommend building on your solo travel skills closer to home. Try taking a solo day out in your local city or town. Take yourself out to dinner, watch a movie, explore – whatever you plan to do whilst you’re abroad, try to recreate it closer to home. After you’ve become used to taking day travels, attempt a weekend alone adventure.

Tip # 2: Do Your Homework

Definitely one of our top solo travel survival tips. Take some time to think about what you want out of your vacation and where you’re most likely to receive it. Research your trip – book a hotel, hostel, or Airbnb in a popular area for the first night and plan how to travel from the airport to the accommodation ahead of time. You don’t want to waste precious hours of your trip stuck at the airport.

If possible, try to arrive during the day to get a sense of the city, and aim to start early on most days to get the most out of your vacation. Even though you’ll probably be tempted to fill your holiday full of activities, remember to include rest days or rest half-days in your itinerary.

Tip # 3: Stay At a Central and Convenient Location

When traveling, staying in a central location allows you to see so much more and not feel so solo, especially if you’re new to being in your own company. Staying in a live town or city can help you to feel at home and give you lots of opportunities to meet other people.

If you stay in the middle of nowhere, you’re less likely to meet someone else along the way. While solo traveling is mostly about you, you’ll want to have some friendly conversations with others along the way. It also makes it a lot safer and convenient for you to get around and sightsee.

Tip # 4: Always Pack Light

You’ll want to pack light whilst solo traveling because anything larger than a suitcase and you might as well call it moving abroad instead. Make sure to take what you need as where you’re headed may not sell replacements, but don’t go OTT. You don’t need to take the entire contents of your wardrobe.

It’s best to pack your baggage based on what you can carry on your own in a manageable way (preferably a bag pack), because there won’t always be someone around to help you. You’ll also make it really obvious that you’re a solo traveler. Confidence is key to fitting in, and if you can’t move your luggage around on your own, everyone will know you’re from out of town.

Tip # 5: Simply Say No!

While traveling alone, you may get a lot of attention, some you’ll want and some you won’t, particularly in more friendly and foreigner-fascinated cultures. Learn how to say “no, thank you” and “absolutely not” in the local language, as well as the local nonverbal “no” gesture, which is frequently more effective than both.

It’s a good idea to put local support numbers, such as the tourist police, in your phone as well. You’ll probably never use them, but knowing that if you did, you know the best point of contact.

Tip # 6: Have Multiple Payment Options

If you’re a fan of Apple Pay, you can’t rely on your phone to be fully charged whilst you’re solo traveling. You may need it for maps, looking up reviews for a good place to eat, or just uploading travel pics to your Instagram – all of which use up phone battery. Having to pay for a meal or transport back to your hotel with only 5% (or less) is risky business.

We recommend taking the physical card you have on Apple Pay, as well as others, and gathering some local currency before you go. When you arrive in a new place, you shouldn’t depend exclusively on your debit card to withdraw money, as some nations make it very difficult to withdraw money from an ATM using a foreign debit or credit card. Some countries will also charge a currency conversion rate, so if you want to avoid the extra charges, apply for a debit card that won’t charge you to make payments.

Tip # 7: Purchase Travel Insurance

Think you don’t need it? Think again. If you don’t buy travel insurance, you’re responsible for anything that goes wrong and all costs associated with it. And you just don’t need that pressure whilst solo traveling, right? Having coverage is super important and may save you and your vacation more than you realize, from emergency medical coverage to flight delays and missing luggage.

Tip # 8: Be Proactive

If you’ve never been somewhere before, the chances of getting lost are pretty high, so you need to be proactive in what you do next. First of all, stay calm. Ask for help if you need it. If you’ve wandered into a slightly dodgy area, ask someone in a restaurant or shop rather than a local.

Standing around disoriented won’t get you anywhere, except maybe noticed by the wrong people. Be polite, smile, and ask for assistance. It’s one of the most important aspects of staying safe while traveling alone.

Tip # 9: Don’t Overschedule Your Trip

Overscheduling can ruin a vacation under nearly any circumstances, but as a solo traveler, it can really leave you feeling worn out when you have to do everything by yourself. The point of a vacay is to relax, and overscheduling will do the complete opposite. You’ll come back more tired than when you left and need to go on another holiday just to wind down!

Tip # 10: Create a Plan B, C, and D

You don’t have to take it all the way to Z and have a backup plan for every aspect of your trip, but make sure you have a few options for when things don’t go the way you originally planned. You’ve probably previously encountered a delay or even cancellation of transportation due to strikes, protests, or marches. What could be more stressful than needing to find a last-minute solution to reach your destination?

Our advice for not worrying too much is to have a backup strategy or plan B (or even a plan C). This way, if your initial choice fails, you’ll be less taken aback and will know what to do to eventually get to your destination. This will make you feel more in control of the situation and, as a result, more confident. Say goodbye to worry, neither anxiety nor a strike will detract the joy of your solo trip!

Tip # 11: You Don’t Have To Finish the Drink

Many cultures place a high value on alcohol. The British like unwinding with a pint at the bar (I can confirm this). Guinness and Jameson are basically the lifeblood of Ireland, and vodka gets a lot of Eastern Europeans through the week.

You may find yourself in settings where drinking is expected as a male traveler. If you’ve been asked to a party or bar, you could feel a lot of pressure to keep up with the other males. Just remember that you’re not required to match anybody shot for shot.

Keeping track of your bar tab in the same way that you keep track of your cash is usually a smart idea. If you end up a little more than boozy, there’s no guarantee anyone will help you without your most trusted wingman.

Tip # 12: Eat Big

While the prospect of visiting restaurants as a solo traveler may fill you with dread, fight the urge to order take out. You didn’t travel halfway around the world to eat pizza in bed. Plus, it’s a good way to practice the local language.

Tip # 13: Be Aware of Over-Friendly People

Some people are genuinely really friendly. However, some people will be over-friendly with the purpose of pickpocketing you. If someone’s friendly, they don’t typically force conversation. They’ll make a move and if you don’t positively engage, they’ll move on.

Someone with a bad intention will often seem like they’re pestering you and trying to force a conversation. Calmly walk away from anyone who seems suspicious.

Tip # 14: Combat Emotions of Loneliness or Homesickness

Don’t allow your negative emotions to get the best of you. Keep yourself busy (but not too busy, remember?) Remind yourself why you wanted to go on this solo vacation in the first place and take small measures to deal with your feelings such as heading to public spaces or diving into your favorite book.

Tip # 15: Revel In It

Even if you become lonely, remember all of the things you can do whilst traveling alone. Some of the pleasures are simple and sweet, such as being able to double-dip your chips in guacamole or being able to change your mind every hour (or less) without worrying about driving anybody insane. But the true benefit of solo travel is considerably greater: complete freedom.

Indulge in your own company. Because before you know it, you’ll have someone who wants to join you on your adventures.

Accept Your Own Flaws

Start by accepting that you also have flaws! No one’s perfect, not even you. We all come with some sort of baggage and acknowledging your own flaws will help you to accept your partner’s. What is it that you bring to the relationship that your partner puts up with? It’s easier to see faults in others than in ourselves but if you think hard enough, you’ll realize that they look past the ones they see in you, and isn’t that enough for you to want to return the favor?

Put Them Into Perspective

Are their flaws really as bad as you think they are? In the heat of the moment that made you frustrated enough to want to google “how to accept your partner’s flaws” and end up here, they can seem like a way bigger deal than they actually are. Frustration can cause you to lose sight of what’s important.

Maybe she’s a huge morning person and wakes you up at 7 am sharp every day, even on weekends, as she makes a smoothie. That extra half an hour in bed might be worth fighting for when you’re groggy and tired but when you’ve finally woken up, put it into perspective. Yes, she might make a racket in the kitchen every morning, but she makes you a smoothie every morning too, right? Points for selflessness. And is there anyone else you’d rather sleep next to even if she does get out of bed earlier than you? If the answer’s no, suck it up.

Choose To Focus on the Positive Traits of Your Partner Instead

Maybe your partner isn’t a great listener but she’s the best person to go to for advice. She might not be able to sit through an entire story about what happened at work without getting distracted, but if you cut to the chase and ask for her advice on a work problem, she’s right there with the perfect solution. Choose to see the positive in your partner because at the end of the day if they didn’t outweigh the negatives, you wouldn’t be with them.

Figure Out Why Their Flaws Trigger You

Your partner’s flaws may not actually be flaws, but triggers that activate a negative emotional response from you. Maybe you plan out your entire week on a Monday morning because you can’t stand being unorganized as it makes you feel uneasy and stressed, whereas your partner will happily go through the week without a schedule.

If you have anxiety and take the steps to plan your schedule to avoid spiraling, your partner taking a different go-with-the-flow approach to her week may activate your anxiety, which says more about you than her.

It’s important to recognize whether your partner’s weaknesses are flaws or just actions that invoke negative emotions. If it’s the latter, you can work on healing yourself and neutralizing your responses. For example, if it’s stress that you’re reacting to, you can look at ways to destress and detach yourself from situations that are out of your control, such as the way your partner runs their week.

Don’t Take Them Personally

Your partner isn’t out to get you. Their flaws aren’t personal vendettas to hurt you. They’re characteristics that have become part of who they are that have been influenced by their surroundings. Think about your own weaknesses that you’ve picked up on your own journey through life. While someone may take offense to them, you haven’t gained your flaws for the purpose of hurting someone else. So, why take your partner’s flaws personally?

Many people think “if they love me, they’d want to change for me,” and this is where it gets personal because you’re thinking as if the only reason they still have whatever flaw you wish they didn’t is that they don’t love you enough. This isn’t true. Some flaws are easily changed, whereas some are deeply rooted in our personality. Don’t confuse a personality trait with their feelings for you. Plus, since we’re talking about accepting your partner’s flaws, they could turn around and say to you, “if you love me, you’d accept me for who I am.”

Try To Find Out the Reasons Behind Their Flaws

You’ll often discover that there are reasons behind people’s weaknesses, and it sure makes accepting them easier when you understand the reasons behind them. Maybe your partner is insecure and lacks self-confidence, but have you ever wondered why that may be? Perhaps their ex-partner cheated on them and left them with very little self-confidence.

When trying to find out the reasons behind your partner’s flaws, stay open-minded and ask questions, never assume.

Let Go of the Idea That You Can Change Anyone Else But Yourself

Surrender to the idea of being able to change someone else, there’s nothing you can do about it unless they actually want to change themselves, anything else is pointless. Once you decide that you want to make a change, it takes consistent effort every day, which you can’t do for them.

By letting go of what’s out of your control, you can focus on the things in your life that you can control, like yourself. Redirect your energy to improve your own weaknesses. By working on being the best version of yourself, you won’t have the time or energy to notice the flaws in anyone else.

Understand That They May Not See Their Flaws as a Negative

Flaws are subjective. You may see a characteristic of your partner as negative, while she and/or everyone else sees it as a positive. For example, maybe she’s super impulsive, which you see as slightly reckless, whereas others (including me) view it as spontaneous.

If they see their “flaws” positively, it’s important that you don’t try to change their mind and paint them in a bad light. Think of it the other way round. How would you like it if they tried to take away one of the best qualities that you’re most proud to have?

Don’t Compare Your Partner’s Flaws to Your Ex

Comparing your current partner to your previous partner is a guaranteed night spent on the sofa. You shouldn’t ever compare the two, especially when it comes to their flaws. Under no circumstances should you say, “I never had to deal with this with my ex!” By saying this you’ll only make them feel bad about themselves and even potentially make them think you’re still hung up on your ex.

No two partners of yours will share the exact same weaknesses, so naturally, you may be used to accepting certain flaws more than others. If your ex suffered from bad anxiety, you’ll probably be more understanding when it comes to anxiety rather than a flaw your new partner has. It doesn’t mean that you’re still in love with your ex, it just means that you’re in new territory and need to learn how to cope with your new surroundings, just like you’ve done before. Your partner is also most likely doing the same thing.

Know the Difference Between Flaws and Deal Breakers

We all have flaws. Some are small, quirky annoyances like leaving your shoes in the middle of the hallway for your partner to trip over every morning, whereas others can be (and should be) huge red flags such as aggression. Sometimes part of the reason why you can’t seem to accept their flaws is that you’re not sure whether you should be accepting them or not. Identifying whether they’re harmless weaknesses or serious deal-breakers can help you to be more accepting of their flaws.

A good way to figure out whether it’s a flaw you should accept is to think about how it makes you feel emotionally. Does it slightly annoy you or are you left feeling drained and mentally exhausted? A successful relationship depends on whether you can accept your partner’s flaws or not, but you shouldn’t accept any in exchange for your mental health.

Turn Off Your Inner Critic

If you’re critical of yourself and focus on your own flaws, you’re way more likely to criticize others, especially those who are closest to you like your partner. Turning off your inner critic will not only make you feel better about yourself, but it’ll also help you to accept your partner’s weaknesses.

Start by talking kindly to yourself. When critical thoughts start to creep into your mind, immediately shut them down. Don’t allow negative thoughts to take up room. The more you reject them, the less you’ll think about yourself and your partner.

Manage Your Expectations

In an ideal world, flaws wouldn’t exist, but this isn’t realistic. So, if you think it’s possible to have the “perfect” partner, think again. Your partner can be perfect for you, but they won’t be perfect. In fact, many of these “flaws” are what make your partner who they are. Embrace them by getting realistic.

It’s important to manage your expectations and not put so much pressure on your partner to be the impossible. Every partner you have will come with flaws to accept. If you can’t accept your current partner’s flaws, you’ll only have to learn to accept someone else’s. Basically, there’s no way around it, so give yourself a reality check, and fast, before you ruin a good thing.

1. Work On Your Listening Skills

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This might be tough if you’re a talker like me but it’s important to be able to listen to your partner to be able to meet their needs and wants. If you can’t listen to what your other half is asking from you, how can you be the partner they deserve?

When your partner comes to you with something important to say while you’re in the middle of something, it can be easy to only give them half your attention as it seems better than not listening at all. FYI – it’s not. Instead, gently tell them that you want to be able to give them your full attention, and when you’ve mentally distanced yourself from whatever you’re doing, they’ll have exactly that.

2. Turn Up the Romance

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Remember the little acts of love that you did at the start of your relationship? Bring them back. The honeymoon stage doesn’t have to be over. They may be small gestures, but they mean a hell of a lot.

Being romantic can be anything from surprising them with their favorite flowers to booking a spontaneous mini-break. It could even be leaving a post-it note on the fridge that says “I love you” before you leave for work.

3. Ask Your Partner if They’re Any Areas in Your Relationship That They Think You Could Work On

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Going directly to the source and asking your other half if there’s anything that you could work on is one of the most effective ways to become a better partner as it stops it from becoming a guessing game. You might think that you need to work on being more romantic when your partner thinks it’s one of the things that you do best.

Checking in with them will make sure you’re putting your efforts into the right areas. Plus, it opens the conversation for you to talk to them about how they can be a better partner themselves as they will no doubt want to return the favor. But remember, this is about how you can improve, don’t get distracted, and make it more about what your other half can do for you.

4. Give Them Compliments

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We all enjoy compliments, especially from those we love. You probably told your partner how beautiful they looked every morning when you first started staying at each other’s places. Now you probably still think it but forget to tell them, and how will they know if you don’t? Go out of your way to make your other half feel good about themselves and they’ll do the same for you.

5. Provide Endless Support

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Life can be tough sometimes and you need a partner that you can lean on and vice versa. It’s you and your other half against the world. Support them with everything that they do, even if you don’t quite agree with it. If it makes them happy, help them make it happen.

6. Be Their Number One Fan

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Now, this probably goes without saying but to be a better partner you need to be their number one fan. Hype them up and always be there on the front line to witness them smash their life goals. Knowing you’re rooting for them will push them that little bit further to reach their achievements.

7. Trust Them Completely

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A relationship is built on trust. You may trust your partner already, and we hope that you do, but to be the best partner you can be, you need to trust them completely. By doing this you’ll allow the relationship to reach new heights as you eliminate any boundaries that limit your and your partner’s potential.

8. Respect Their Opinions

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You won’t always agree with your partner, facts. You’re different people and will inevitably have different opinions. When this happens, it’s important to respect their opinions, even if you don’t see eye to eye. Don’t try and force your opinion on your other half and try to get them to change their mind. Allow them the space to have their own thoughts.

9. Encourage Them To Be the Best Version of Themselves

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You want a partner that brings out the best in you, someone who inspires you to be a better person but be careful not to force them to change anything about themselves if they don’t want to. It’s about strengthening the qualities they have already, not making them switch out their traits for new ones unless that’s what they want of course.

Before you do this, have a conversation about what they’d like to work on and how you can help them, so they don’t feel like you’re unhappy with who they are.

10. Remember That You’re on the Same Team in a Disagreement

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Arguments can break out in even the healthiest of relationships. They’re nothing to be ashamed of, unless you can’t have one without screaming at each other that is. One thing that can help you to keep your voice down and be a better partner is to remember that you’re actually on the same team. You have the same end goal of wanting to keep each other happy but in the heat of the moment, this can easily be forgotten.

11. Be Present

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No one wants an absent partner. Dedicate time to your other half where they have your devoted attention such as a weekly date night. Pay attention to what they’re saying, give engaging responses, and look directly into their eyes. Forget about anything else on your mind and only think about the present moment with you and your partner.

12. Know How To Make Yourself Happy

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Knowing how to make yourself happy takes off any pressure you may be projecting onto your partner to fulfill your happiness. When someone you love is unhappy, you can feel a great responsibility to lift their spirits. Being in a relationship should add to your happiness, not be the sole reason that you’re happy.

13. Always Be Honest

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It’s better to hurt someone with the truth than make them happy with a lie. Lying can shatter years of solid trust in an instant, which just isn’t worth it. It only takes one lie to plant a seed of doubt in their mind as to whether you’ve been truthful throughout your entire relationship.

14. Do One Nice Thing Every Day

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This couldn’t be simpler, right? Just doing one nice thing a day for your partner will strengthen your relationship as they begin to appreciate you even more. It could be making them a morning coffee, a foot massage, or taking the trash out on their day – anything that makes them feel nice.

15. Be Empathetic

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Empathy is different from sympathy. It requires putting yourself in your partner’s shoes (even if they’re stilettos) and seeing situations from their perspective. This can be difficult if they’re going through a situation you’ve never experienced or maybe can never experience, but it’s worth the work to become a better partner.

16. Validate Them

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This is different from empathy because even when we can’t empathize with someone and how they feel, we can always validate their emotions. They’re allowed to feel what they feel and sometimes a simple “I acknowledge what you’re feeling” or “I hear you” is all that’s needed.

17. Practice Responding

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They say that your first reaction is what you were born with, and the second is who you are. If your initial reaction isn’t a good one, take a moment to think about whether that’s really who you are or are you slipping back into old habits?

18. Try the Compliment Sandwich

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A compliment sandwich is basically an improvement you’d like to make that starts and ends with a compliment. It goes something like this: “I love you and how clean you are, that’s why our house feels like a home, but sometimes you put my tools away somewhere and I can’t find them, or you put them away while I’m in the middle of a project and I find it hard to pick it back up again. Please could you tell me where you put them afterward or wait for me to clean up after myself? Thank you so much for being patient with me. You’re always so understanding.” And is that not one of the nicest ways you could tell your partner to chill out on the cleaning? (Which is probably how you would’ve put it).

19. Prioritize Your Mental Health

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Prioritize your mental health so that you can give the best version of yourself to your partner. If you’re constantly feeling stressed, angry, or deflated, your partner will begin to feel these things too.

20. Talk About Sex More

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Sex needs to be talked about. Knowing how to sexually satisfy your other half will work wonders in the bedroom and in your relationship. They’re not going to complain about you leaving the toilet seat up if you’ve just put in a top performance, trust me.

21. Understand Your Love Languages

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They could be different or the same to your partner, either way, it’ll help you both to realize how the other wants to be shown love. Maybe they want to hear “I love you” at least a few times a day, or they want affection and physical touch every time you’re around. If your love languages are different and you don’t understand each other’s, they could feel very unloved.

22. Do What You Said You Would Do

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Communication is everything in a relationship and so is follow-through. If a situation occurs and your partner asks something of you, do what you said you would do. The same goes for yourself and your mental health. If you told yourself you would try to listen more, be mindful of that.

If you said you’d go to the gym more, consciously schedule it into a planner. There’s always a way to escape responsibilities just like there’s a way to improve them and grow yourself, so choose the better option every time.

23. Eye Contact

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The simple act of looking your partner in the eyes can stimulate a connection that’s deep and intimate, eyes are the windows to the soul after all. Looking into your other half’s eyes shows them that you’re here, you’re present, and with them wholeheartedly.

24. Touch More

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From newborn to adulthood, the sensation of physical touch is vital to mental health. Even if your partner’s love language isn’t physical affection, a simple hug in the morning or a kiss on the cheek can go a long way in becoming a better partner. Physical touch releases happy hormones in the body, and who doesn’t want more of those?

25. Remember It’s Not Always 50/50

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Have you ever heard that relationships are 50/50 and that each partner needs to give half the effort to make the relationship whole? Well, this isn’t always true. You can’t always perform at your best, so your partner will then take on more responsibility than you. This dynamic switches between the both of you all the time. Maybe you had a bad day or aren’t feeling very well, either way, you’ll be giving less than your partner.

It’s important to understand this so that when they’re feeling less than 50%, you can step up and be the man that they need you to be to keep the relationship going strong, not come down on them for not putting in as much effort as you. Love and nurture them back to full health.

Discuss What You’d Like To Try Beforehand

Whatever you do, don’t just whip out sex toys whilst having sex. This can cause your partner to feel pressured to use them even if they’re not fully comfortable doing so. To get the most pleasure out of using sex toys, you and your partner both need to be up for it.

Discussing which sex toys you’d like to introduce into the bedroom beforehand will allow you to prepare (you might need to shave somewhere you’ve never had to before), get comfortable with the idea, and choose suitable sex toys for you both. If neither of you is into 50 Shades of Grey, there’s no point bringing the type of sex toys Mr. Grey has stored in his red room.

Have a Safe Word

Sex toys can certainly heat things up in the bedroom but without trying them first, it’s hard to tell whether they’ll go down a treat or become something you never want to play with again. Having a safe word will let you clearly communicate that you want to stop what’s currently happening. Try and choose something sexy or an inside joke that you share, so that it doesn’t entirely kill the mood and you can keep going afterward.

Don’t Rely on Sex Toys

Sex toys should enhance the sex you’re currently having, not take over. Remember to have nights where it’s just you and your partner, otherwise, you’ll become reliant on sex toys and lose the connection you worked so hard to build. No sex toy can replace the touch of someone you love, so it’s important that you remind them of this by going sex toy-free every now and then. If you find yourself unable to have sex without sex toys, try seeing a sex therapist to improve your 1-on-1 sex life.

Understand Each Other’s Rhythms First

You don’t want to bring sex toys into the bedroom the first time you have sex with the person you’re dating. Wait until you’ve had sex a few times and understand each other’s rhythms. Some people automatically hit it off and work in sync, while others have a hard time trying not to headbutt each other. Introducing sex toys before you’ve built up solid communication will just be a straight-up mess if you can’t figure out where you need to be and when without a vibrating piece of equipment.

Explain Why You’d Like To Use Sex Toys

Many people think that using sex toys means they’re putting in a bad performance and need extra help when this simply isn’t true. Sex toys can level up sex that gives life-changing, bed-shaking orgasms. Think of sex toys as an accessory. Outfits don’t need accessories, but they sure do look better with them.

Make it clear to your partner that you enjoy the sex that you have, you can even tell them what it is they do that turns you on, but that you’d like to explore a deeper connection (and even better orgasms). Sex toys aren’t a substitute for the love that you have for one another, but to enhance intimacy levels.

Shop For Sex Toys Together

This will build excitement and give a sneak preview of the main event. Seeing what grabs the attention of your partner will give you a better understanding of what turns them on, instead of choosing one for them that you think they’ll enjoy. Shopping for sex toys together will also give you another opportunity to bond outside of the bedroom.

Don’t Be Selfish

This isn’t like when you got a new toy as a kid and wouldn’t let anyone else near it. Sex toys are meant to be shared between you and your partner. If they’re pleasuring you with a sex toy, make sure to return the favor afterward. If you’re out shopping for sex toys, don’t just pick ones that you like the sound of. Take it in turns to choose and make sure there’s something for everyone.

Don’t Put Pressure on Your First Time

Having sex with the person you’re dating for the first time is rarely ever perfect. It takes time to get used to each other’s bodies and involves experimenting to discover what they like and dislike – the same goes for sex toys. The first sex toys you pick together may not be as big of a hit as you thought they were going to be, but don’t beat yourself up for it. And definitely don’t let it put you off using sex toys. Not everyone enjoys the same positions during sex, so people will enjoy different sex toys that feel similar to or enhance the feeling of their favorite sex positions. It’s trial and error.

Have Fun With It

There’s nothing serious about using sex toys in the bedroom, so don’t act like it, especially if it doesn’t work out. Have fun with it and don’t take it seriously. Be open-minded and willing to laugh during awkward moments.

Don’t Mention the Words “Sex Toy” Throughout

You want to make using sex toys as part of the experience as natural as you can, which means not mentioning the words “sex toys” during sex. Use dirty talk to bring the focus back to you and your partner. As you guide them around your body, let them know how much you’re enjoying what they’re doing as if there’s no sex toy involved. By talking directly to them you’ll make them feel like more of the experience, rather than just someone who knows all the right places to put a sex toy. They’re so much more than just an enabler and you need to take the time to remind them of this. After all, it’s your partner who’s taken the time to discover the spots you go crazy for, not the sex toy.

Never Reuse Sex Toys From a Past Relationship

Let me start off by saying, ew. You shouldn’t ever reuse sex toys that you used to use with someone else, and not only because of hygiene reasons (although, it’s certainly up there with reasons why you shouldn’t). We’re all aware that pretty much every single person we date in adulthood has been with someone else, however, we don’t need to be reminded of it and haunted by their sex toys.

Introducing sex toys into the bedroom should be an intimate experience that you go through together, not jump on the back of good times with one of your ex’s. Using a sex toy you already have shows no thought or effort into selecting one that’ll meet your partner’s desires. It’s lazy, which is equally bad as being selfish.

Start Off Small

This is one time where smaller is actually better. If you or your partner are new to sex toys, don’t start off with the biggest, most intense one you can find. This can be intimidating and feel overwhelming, and even potentially put you off sex toys for life. While you may be tempted to skip straight to the more pleasurable sex toys, start to introduce the simple ones first and work your way up. By doing this, you’ll become more familiar and comfortable using sex toys and feel confident tackling the big boys of sex toys, meaning, less trial and error as you own the bedroom.

Understand It’s a Perfectly Normal Request

Introducing sex toys into the bedroom isn’t embarrassing or shameful. Many people enjoy the use of sex toys, and you shouldn’t be afraid to speak up about your desires. You deserve to have your needs met in a relationship, emotionally, physically, and sexually. However, this goes both ways. If your partner isn’t comfortable with a third party in the bedroom, don’t pressure them. Remember, it’s a request, not a demand.

Gather Feedback at the End of a Session

After using a new sex toy, have a conversation about how it felt for you both and whether you’d like to use it again. Don’t assume that just because they enjoyed it this time means that they want to continue to use it. Or maybe you were so caught up in all the excitement that you’re not sure how they felt. You may have missed something in the heat of the moment and checking in with your partner will ensure that you don’t miss anything. Having this conversation will also strengthen your relationship as you consider their feelings.

Choose a Familiar Location

If you’re one of those couples who never miss an opportunity to mix things up and have sex in a new location, it’s best to pick one that you’re familiar with when introducing sex toys. Exploring two new things at the same time might be too much and divert your attention from the sex toys. You want to be able to fully focus your senses on the pleasure of the new sex toys to give them a real shot rather than the thrill of doing it somewhere you shouldn’t be.

The bedroom you and your partner share is the ideal place to experiment with sex toys. It’s a comfortable, safe space you created together. Plus, you can make as much noise as you want.

Tidy Up Your Appearance

It’s not uncommon for those in relationships to get lazy with their appearance, so if the only six-pack you have now is a pack of beer in the fridge, you’re not the only one. One of the first things you should do before you start dating after a breakup is to tidy up your appearance. This includes everything from dusting the cobwebs off your gym bag to visiting the barber. The dating world will have many more fresh, attractive singletons on top of their game since you were last single, so it’s time to look the part and fit right in.

While looks aren’t everything, or so we try to convince ourselves of anyway, there does need to be some level of sexual attraction between you and your date to land a second one. And if you haven’t been looking after yourself, trust me when I say she’ll notice. Nothing gets past us. Even the most handsome man will go home alone if he can’t remember what the inside of a barber looks like.

Immediately after a breakup, we can lose confidence, which can be boosted by improving our appearance – when you look good, you feel good. This will help you have more successful dates after a breakup, leading to even more confidence. And who doesn’t find a confident date attractive?

Leave the Breakup Speech Out of It, Unless Prompted

No woman wants to hear about how hard your breakup was. If you mention your breakup before she does, she’ll most likely think you’re not over them. I mean, you’re on a date with someone new and all you can think about is bringing up your ex? Red flag. Definitely.

However, if she happens to ask what happened in your last relationship, it’s perfectly fine to answer. If you don’t and act all weird and sketchy instead, she may begin to think you’re actually still in a relationship (not unheard of these days). Women are curious creatures, more often than not she’ll probably ask what went down with your ex at some point, as the reason why you split could be a deal-breaker for her too. So, make sure you’re able to answer the question without getting angry, crying, or both because if you can’t, it’s a sure sign you’re not ready to date yet.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Being in a long-term relationship can cause you to live in your comfort zone unless you were both extreme thrill-seekers of course. But generally, you get into habits and routines that feel comfortable, and the thought of changing them and wreaking havoc while they were still around was unimaginable, especially if you were happy together.

The comfort zone does come with its perks as no one wants to be uncomfortable all the time, but there are times where being just the right amount of uncomfortable is a good thing. You become curious enough to try new things you never would have if you were comfortable. It’s important to remember that the only reason why you were able to become comfortable in your routine was that you tried something new in the first place.

Dating can help you break free from your old ways and bring freshness into your life. Every date is a new chance to reinvent yourself until you find a version of yourself you like just as much as your date. Experiment and have fun with it!

Don’t Go on a Date for the Sake of Going for a Date

Maybe you and your ex had a date night every Wednesday evening, and now you don’t have a scheduled date, it might be tempting to find a feel-good filler to take your mind off it. If you’re not walking into a date with an open mind and willing to explore whether there’s a connection that can take you past one night, you shouldn’t be going.

Don’t listen to all your friends saying that you need to start dating after your breakup if you’re not interested in meeting someone new. You’ll not only be wasting her time but yours as well. If the guys are trying to get you out of the house, go on a lad’s night out instead. If you’re lucky, you might even meet a woman you want to take on a date while you’re there.

Or you might be on the other end of the scale and going on so many dates that you can’t remember who’s who. Going on more dates than you can count after a breakup with women you’re only kinda into will take the fun out of dating. You’ll get bored of dating and take yourself out of the game and close yourself off to the idea. Then when a woman who’s perfect for you approaches you, you’ll shut her down and you’ll never know how much you two would’ve hit it off.

Get To Know Yourself As Well as Your Dates

After a breakup, many people discover that they lost themselves in the relationship and have walked away as a completely different person that they no longer recognize. Sometimes for better and sometimes for worse, but since you’re not tied to vows, or at least anymore, you can take this opportunity to understand what you truly want in a relationship and go after it.

What you desired at the beginning of your last relationship most likely isn’t what you want now, especially since you weren’t a match and broke up. Dating after a breakup gives you a chance to discover what it is you really want from a relationship. Maybe you were always the guy who waited three days to text after a first date. But after having a partner who was emotionally unavailable, you want someone to communicate their feelings clearly with you, and now find yourself messaging an hour later to say you enjoyed the date and want to go out again.

Don’t Start Dating Until You’re Ready

I’m sure you’ve heard of that saying, “to get over someone, you need to get under someone,” but it’s nothing more than a temporary fix. While it may feel good, maybe even really good in the moment, once it’s over you’ll feel worse than you did before.

Starting to date before you’re ready can lead to a number of unsuccessful dates, which can hugely bruise your ego as you’re still vulnerable. You’ll begin to spiral and think it’s impossible to find love again, but to find it, or have it find you, you need to be open to the idea of love. Closing yourself off can delay the healing process and push meeting your person even further away.

The only way to truly get over someone is to wait it out and deal with your emotions. Women tend to get over an ex a lot quicker than men because for the next month in their calendar they have a date with Ben & Jerry in front of the TV. They give themselves a free pass to feel whatever they need to. Whereas men, on the other hand, are busy doing everything they couldn’t do in a relationship. Eventually, the novelty wears off and they’re forced to deal with their emotions when their ex is already healed and dating someone new, which hurts even more to know you’re now the only one hurting. So do yourself a favor and give yourself a chance to heal before jumping into dating again.

Take It Slow

Being in a relationship is so natural for some men, they’re real “relationship-type guys” and rarely ever find themselves single for too long. If this sounds like you, it’s time to slow things down and avoid rushing into a new relationship after a breakup. If she hears that your record time of being single is a month, it’ll raise questions from your date like “do you have trouble being alone?” or “do you just catch feelings for anyone?” only the brave women will ask, but you can bet most of them are thinking these things.

No woman likes a needy man. Women have lives of their own and they don’t want the relationship to become all-consuming. Jumping from relationship to relationship can be a sign of being uncomfortable in your own company which can ruin a relationship. Those who can’t be alone put too much pressure on the relationship and can be emotionally draining for the other person when they’re constantly asking for attention and/or reassurance.

They also want to feel special, like you chose them. But if you’re constantly falling for new women, it doesn’t seem like so much of an honor. She may also think that it’s only a matter of time until you’re obsessing over someone new. Many women won’t pursue a man unless she knows she’s onto something long-term, and if you’re always falling in and out of love, she may struggle to believe you’re capable of staying in love.

But let’s say you are, and you’ve met a woman who has turned your world upside down, entering a new relationship before you’re ready, just like dating, can cause it to be short-lived. So if you’re seriously crushing on her, take it down a notch and enjoy the journey. This way, it’s more likely to be sustainable as you get to know each other better. And, you know, actually date after a breakup!

Don’t Relate Everything Back to Your Ex

If you’ve been in a relationship for a super long time, you’ll have many memories and inside jokes that’ll take you a while to forget, but whilst you’re on a date after a breakup, don’t mention any of them. There’s nothing worse than sitting opposite someone who can’t stop drooling over their ex and bringing every single topic back to them. No one should have to suffer through this.

Maybe your date’s telling you about how she’s just got back from a business trip to Paris and you and your ex had a tradition of celebrating every anniversary there. Granted, this is going to be pretty hard to forget, but you don’t need to tell your date how you spent your anniversaries in Paris. You can take an interest and say you’ve been there, since you don’t want to pretend you haven’t then she catches you in a lie, but there’s no need to mention who with. Unless she asks, obviously, but leave it at that.

But there are certain unspoken rules when it comes to a one-night stand that you should know and follow before doing the dirty, so you can both enjoy the night together and walk away feeling good about yourselves and sexually satisfied. And Dr. Gilda Carle, Relationship Expert, and Author of I’m Worth Loving! Here’s Why, tells us exactly how to with her do’s and don’ts of a one-night stand. 

Do’s

1. “Do jump in the sack if you’re sexually charged at the moment and you don’t expect anything more to come of this liaison. Ever,” says Dr. Carle. Many people jump into bed thinking it’ll lead to something more now you’ve skipped to the most intimate part, but this isn’t the right mindset to have. Having sex doesn’t guarantee any sort of relationship as the amount of intimacy that can be felt is super limited if you only met that night. 

Occasionally people have developed deep, meaningful relationships from a one-night stand, but they didn’t go into the bedroom thinking this would happen. Neither of you should go into a one-night stand as an exchange for anything but equal pleasure. Dr. Carle recommends taking the title “One Night Stand” literally, and accept your lover’s goodbye as the gospel when you two part ways. No tears, no regrets. Just close the chapter and move on.

2. Do take advantage of this opportunity to feel better about yourself after a breakup, advises Dr. Carle. Sex with a stranger can be exactly what you need to get your confidence back. After a breakup, one of the most common thoughts people have is “will I ever be desired again?” – sad, but true. 

One of Dr. Carle’s clients had just broken up with his fiancé of two years. And “like most people after a breakup, his self-confidence was shaky as he wondered if he’d ever love again. His friends urged him to get out, but his heart wasn’t in it. But at the supermarket one evening, he began talking with a woman who had also just had a breakup. They landed under his sheets, and each felt relieved that they were desirable. Then it was over,” which is exactly how a one-night stand should be. 

You should make each other feel good, emotionally and sexually. Not with heartfelt compliments, as you’ve just met and there’s probably not a lot you know about them, but by saying things that make them feel wanted such as “I love what you’re doing right now” or “you look so sexy.” Stay away from calling her beautiful or saying, “I could get used to this,” even if the sex is good enough to have every night, as she’s more likely to form an attachment and believe it’s more than just a one-night stand.

3. Do switch it up with a one-night stand. You can try new positions and techniques you’ve been wanting to try out without the pressure of trying to impress someone you really like. A one-night stand can help you to relax and unlock bedroom skills you didn’t even know you had. Because she won’t fear hurting your feelings, as a total stranger will hardly dent the ego, she’ll be honest about whether she likes what you’re doing or not. She’s here for a good time not a long time, so she’ll help you to improve your sex moves, even if for her own benefit, and increase your confidence going forward.

4. Do go for it if that person has one or two traits you really like. “Are you one of those people who makes lists of the kinds of qualities you’re seeking in a partner?” asks Dr. Carle. If so, she encourages you to forget your list for one night, all you really need in a one-night stand is a few characteristics that’ll help you to have a good time such as physical attraction and a sense of humor. Having sex with someone for the first time can have its awkward moments as you figure out how to get in sync, you might bump heads or even fall off the bed, and you should pick someone who will laugh at the situation with you and carry on. “Lap up that one or two qualities you appreciate, and enjoy yourself,” she says.

5. “Do have a one-night stand if you haven’t had romance in a very long time. Your life isn’t over, and you’ve still got a heartbeat! Let it pound for one night.” You deserve to feel alive and having a one-night stand with a complete stranger will give you an exciting thrill that’ll put you on a high for days. 

“Physician Maria divorced her husband after 12 years of marriage. Then, at a coffee shop, she stood behind a hot construction worker. When their eyes locked, she felt pulsating desire, and so did he.  That night saw passion Maria had not experienced in a very long time.  After that, she was ready to date again.” It might just give you the kick you need to get back into dating.

6. Do treat her with respect. Just because she’s willing to go home with you after meeting you that night, doesn’t give you the green light to treat her any less than you would a woman with a three-date rule. She’s still a human being and deserves to be treated like one. Open doors, help her get undressed, and thank her for a good time. 

7. Do let her know that a night of fun is all you’re after right now. You don’t want her to believe it’s something it isn’t and mislead her into sleeping with you. To have a successful one-night stand, you should both be aware that that’s exactly what it is. Otherwise, it’s just called you leading a woman on and never speaking to her again. 

Don’ts

1. “Don’t have a one-night stand if you believe in sex only in marriage,” says Dr. Carle. Don’t let your penis sway your values. If you’ve always believed in sex after marriage, stick to it. 

“Paul was religious, and he wanted to maintain his no-sex-before-marriage belief. His friends acted like alley cats, sleeping around without strings. He just couldn’t imagine doing the same. At his church one Sunday, he sat next to a beautiful woman he had never met. They exchanged glances, and he asked her to lunch afterward. They both felt the same about remaining true to their faith. Today they are married.” Moral of the story? Keeping it in your pants may be your way to happily ever after.

2. Don’t fall for the lines of your very sexually charged date. “While you’d love to believe her lines of how terrific you are, don’t. You know that your goals are to have a serious relationship, not a jump in the hay,” she says. Don’t let her persuade you into having a one-night stand if you’re after something serious just because of how good she’s making you feel in the moment. 

Wait it out for the right woman who’s going to make you feel good about yourself during sex, the morning after, and long after that. If you don’t, you won’t wake up with that preppy spring in your step that you always see in the movies. “Stick to your principles, no matter how hungry you are to feel loved,” advises Dr. Carle. The woman for you is out there still, not in between the sheets after a first date. 

3. “Don’t have a one-night stand if you’re a die heart romantic,” you’ll put too much pressure on it becoming one of the one-night stands to turn into a love story, and more often than not, end up disappointed. “Romantics like happily-ever-afters, and even if the romance isn’t workable, they convince themselves that they, and they alone, will be able to fit that round peg into their square hole,” she says. “The problem is that nobody can make a relationship work unless both parties are mutually willing and available. If you’re that romantic, instead of trying to force an unfeasible fit, watch a rom-com and get your fix theatrically.” 

If she’s made it clear that she’s only up for a one-night stand for whatever reason, believe her. If she says she’s been hurt in the past and isn’t ready to be vulnerable and engage in more than just a one-night stand, don’t try to be the hero who swoops in and saves her. All your efforts will be wasted, because at the end of the day if she doesn’t want to be saved, you can’t help her. If you want to help, give her the night of her life. 

4. Don’t sneak out the back door before she’s awake. If you end up staying the night or accidentally end up falling asleep together, don’t be the worst kind of man and run out before saying goodbye. We’re talking basic manners here. Wait until she wakes up, or politely wake her up if you have somewhere to be, to tell her that you’re leaving. And definitely don’t exchange numbers if you plan on keeping it a one-night stand. 

5. Don’t jump in the sack with a stranger unless you’re hygienically protected, either with condoms or birth control. However, birth control still poses a risk as you don’t know whether she’s telling the truth or whether she missed a few pills that month. Plus, birth control doesn’t protect you against STIs. 

“If you’re not safeguarded your one-night stands can become a lifetime ball-and-chain,” says Dr. Carle. “Be conscious of all the celebs who have been caught sleeping with the wrong person, and had to later pay dearly with disease or child support. That could be you, too, if you’re not careful.” She reminds us that the number one rule to having sex with anyone must be to protect your safety, despite all of the heat!

Aquatic colognes (like their name suggests) use water as their major source of scent-spiration. Though many draw their inspiration from the fresh, complex depths of the sea, aquatic colognes don’t always have to be oceanic. They can be inspired by a clear lake, cool pond, gentle rain, or the luxury of a pool on a hot summer day. Coupled with other crisp notes of citrus, musk, or wood, aquatic colognes leave long-lasting, subtle impressions for all-day wear.

Take a dive and explore the best of the best in aquatic fragrances. We’ve gathered our top 12 favorite aquatic colognes below, each of which is fresh, unique, masculine, and (of course) water-inspired.

Trying to get over your crush by dating her sister or straight up throwing yourself on her in front of her boyfriend is a no-go. Every Man’s Personal Wing Girl, Marni Kinrys, founder of The Wing Girl Method and creator of the F Formula, tells us the best ways to stop crushing or go for it and make a move – the choice is yours.

How To Stop Crushing so Hard

Look Elsewhere

“My biggest tip when you are crushing on someone who is already taken is to look elsewhere,” she says. “I know it’s tough to re-focus your attention on someone else especially when that girl is ‘just so perfect for you.’ But crushing on someone that already has their own crush can be a huge waste of time, energy, and headspace.” They may not be as perfect for you as you think if they haven’t realized it themselves – a perfect match has to be mutual.

Befriend Her

Kinrys suggests that instead of pursuing your crush in a romantic manner, try becoming her friend instead. Yes, friend zone yourself. “I say befriend the crush and have her work for you as a wing girl. She’s taken, now let her find someone for you to date,” she says. Let her set you up with her hot friends or her hot friend’s even hotter friend.

And maybe, just “maybe, in the process she may see how freaking awesome you are and start crushing on you.” If not, at least you have a wingwoman on your side that can introduce you to new, more suitable matches. She may even be better than the wingman you’re currently used to since women know what other women want.

Separate From Her

If you’re crushing big time and being around her is too hard, take a step back. If you can’t be friends with her or envision a time in the near future where you could be, cut her off.

“I know when you crush all you want to do is get closer and be in the closest proximity to whoever you are crushing on,” says Kinrys. “But if that crush is not returned or can’t be returned, then I say ghost that crush and block her out of your life. If it’s possible.” Out of sight, hopefully out of mind.

Keep Yourself Busy

This is pretty self-explanatory. If you don’t have much going on in your life, you’ll keep coming back to the crush that isn’t crushing on you back. Too much spare time = too much thinking, which can easily spiral into negative thoughts. Instead, choose to fill your spare time with positivity.

“If you don’t want to focus on the girl, focus on something else. Hobbies, classes, tv shows, getting together with friends,” she says. “And if you don’t have these things in your life, even better. Start getting them.”

Reprogram Your Brain

“Yes, the brain is like a computer which means you can program it to literally think the way you want it to. But it takes effort and focus,” says Kinrys. Every time your crush pops into your head, stop, take notice, smile and then replace the thought with something new.” Something that makes you happy – a memory, what you’ve got to look forward to, or even music.

Kinrys uses a song to distract herself from thoughts that aren’t serving her. So, when you think of her and how much you want her to be crushing on you, start whistling, humming, or even singing to distract your brain. “And then replace those thoughts with something new that helps you and doesn’t hurt you.” Don’t be put down if you can’t master reprogramming your brain on the first try, practice makes perfect after all.

Call on a Good Friend

What are good friends for if not for helping you get over a crush? “Enlist a good friend to help you stop your crushing,” says Kinrys. Every time you want to check out your crushes social or text them, text your friend instead. Get them to remind you of all the reasons why she’s not for you. When we’re crushing on someone it’s easy to only be able to see reasons why it’ll work out – we’re hopeful.

But someone with an outside perspective that isn’t emotionally attached will be able to tell you the reasons why it won’t work out. And what better person to ask than a good friend that knows you the most? “You can even ask that friend to give you a consequence if you bring the crush up or contact them. Like you have to pay $1 every time” – something that actually stings you. Or they drink for free while they’re out with you, which will definitely make your wallet hurt if they’re big on drinking.

How To Make a Move

Turn the Crush Around

We don’t recommend going after a woman that’s happy in a relationship. If you really care about her, put her happiness above your own, don’t sabotage a good thing that she could come to resent you for. But “if you think that this girl is not happy in her current relationship and could be looking for a reason to leave. Make that reason you”, she says. Don’t fall into the classic “nice guy” trap most guys fall into when trying to sway the woman they’re crushing on.

Make it obvious you fancy her. Flirt, tease, make her feel something she isn’t feeling with her current man. Turn up the heat but be careful when playing with fire. Don’t let anything sexual happen between the two of you while she’s still in a relationship. Get her curious enough about you to want to leave the relationship to explore the potential without causing collateral damage – she’ll respect you a hell of a lot more for it.

Plus, when another relationship begins by doing the dirty, it’s common for one (or both) of you to be concerned that the other may do the same thing with someone else. If they’re capable of doing it with you, what’s to stop them from doing it to you? This fear has been known to cause trust issues and insecurities, so do yourself a favor and be a gent.

Never Bad-Mouth Her Partner

While it might be tempting to point out all of his flaws and how bad he is for her (especially if it’s true), this will only make her put her defense up and shut you out. Whether the relationship is in a good place or not, that’s her man and she’s likely going to stick up for him until the very end rather than side with a guy she knows is crushing on her.

“When trying to turn the crush around never bash the other guy. It will always backfire on you,” says Kinrys. It also comes across as jealous and petty, and who wants that?

Be Everything He Isn’t

“Instead of bashing the guy, be everything he isn’t. If he’s a guy that doesn’t listen, listen. If he’s the guy that won’t do PDA, do PDA. Be what he’s not and what she’s missing,” recommends Kinrys. But stay away from anything that’s too far from what you’d naturally do.

Stay authentic and true to yourself. If you’re even worse at listening than he is, don’t fake it. You want her to be crushing on you for who you are, not for pretending to be something you’re not.

Be Bold and Go for it

Simple, right? Kinrys reassures us that every woman loves a man with balls of steel that just goes after what he wants. A man that’s sure of himself and confident enough to go after what he desires is sexy – think about how attractive this is in a woman, now double it. “If going for it doesn’t appear to have any kind of negative backlash for you, then just go for it.” Be bold. “Tell her you want her and can make her happier than the other guy and see what happens,” she says. You miss 100% of the shots you never take, so shoot!