68 Hilarious Physics Jokes Everyone Can Laugh At
Similar to maths, physics is one of those subjects you either loved or hated at school. A lot of that had to do with the type of physics teacher you had and how your brain reacted to questions about matter and gravity and whatnot. For most of us, physics was just a subject we had to pass to graduate high school, but for some, it’s been a big part of shaping their lives and their careers. People passionate about physics pursue careers in a wide variety of professions and can become everything from engineers or scientists to data analysts or astronauts.
Many people with a physics major have gone on to do great things and change the way we look at the world, such as Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and the cast of The Big Bang Theory (jokes). As that last physics joke proves, there is a lot of fun and laughter to be had when it comes to physics formulas and jokes about quantum physics and the like.
It doesn’t matter if you’re not a quantum physicist or didn’t take any advanced classes in high school, physics jokes are for everyone. Of course, it helps if you have a general knowledge of physics and understand the basic principles of velocity, gravity, mass, thermodynamics, electromagnetism, and quantum mechanics, but even if you’re all new to this, there are plenty of great jokes here you will find funny.
So read on and discover the best physics jokes that will have everyone laughing, even the non-physics fans.
1. Why can’t you trust an atom?
They make up everything.
2. Why was Heisenberg’s wife unhappy?
Because whenever he had the energy, he didn’t have the time.
3. Einstein developed a theory about space.
And, boy, it was about time, too!
4. What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops.
5. Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?
Because it’s in its ground state.
6. A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says, “You can’t come in here, we don’t allow Higgs Bosons.”
The Higgs Boson says, “But without me, how can you have mass?”
7. Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?
Because that’s where students have the most potential.
8. A photon checks into a hotel, where a bellhop asks where its suitcase is.
The photon replies, “I didn’t bring any luggage. I’m traveling light.”
9. Why is electricity an ideal citizen?
Because it conducts itself so well.
10. What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
11. Have you heard of the physicist who got chilled to absolute zero.
He’s 0K now.
12. What did one photon say to the other photon?
“I’m sick and tired of your interference.”
13. What did the subatomic particle say to the duck?
Quark, quark.
14. How many general-relativity theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.
15. What does a physicist hear when he watches Star Wars?
“May the mass times acceleration be with you!”
16. You enter the high school lab and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it?
If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology. If it stinks, it’s chemistry. If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.
17. Two kittens are on a roof. Which one falls off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
18. A helium atom walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gas.”
The helium atom doesn’t react.
19. Why can’t you take electricity to social outings?
Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
20. Schrodinger and Heisenberg were out driving together when they were pulled over by a policeman. The cop walks up to the window and asks, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replies, “No, but I know exactly where I was.” The cop is unamused and orders the physicists to open their trunk. He looks in and sees a dead cat. “Do you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?”
Schrodinger replies, “Well, I do now!”
21. A man at a bar tells the bartender, “I’ll have some H2O” The man next to him says, “I’ll have some H2O too.”
He dies.
22. Why is quantum mechanics the original “original hipster”?
It described the universe before it was cool.
23. Who was the first electricity detective?
Sherlock Ohms.
24. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a whiskey?”
The bartender smiles and says, “For you, no charge.”
25. Why do quantum physicists make bad lovers?
Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position
26. What do you get when you cross a chicken with a turkey?
|chicken|×|turkey|sinθ.
27. A string theorist gets caught cheating on his wife.
His response was; “Wait, I can explain everything.”
28. What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?
Seeing you from the back, I thought you were repulsive. But seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.
29. Do you know why physicists are bad at sex?
Because they can’t find the position when they have momentum and when they find a position, they lose the momentum.
30. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest; chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.
31. Where does bad light end up?
In prism.
32. What did the quantum physicist say before the bar fight?
Let me atom!
33. Two atoms were walking down the street. One turns to the other and says, “Oh, no! I think I lost an electron!” The other responds, “Are you sure?!?”
“Yes, I’m positive!”
34. What happens when electrons lose their energy?
They get Bohr’ed.
35. What did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other?
Gotta split!
36. Did you hear about the physicist who was reading a great book on anti-gravity?
He couldn’t put it down.
37. What’s the difference between an auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?
The quantum mechanic can get the car inside the garage without opening the door.
38. How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
11. One to do it and ten to co-author the paper.
39. What did one electron say to the other electron?
Don’t get excited. You’ll only get into a state!
40. A beginner’s guide to physics:
Relativity: When the family gets together.
Black holes: What you get in black socks.
Critical mass: A big group of film reviewers.
Hyperspace: Where you park at the superstore.
41. Which books are the hardest to force yourself to read through?
Friction books.
42. And which books are the easiest to force yourself to read through?
Non-friction books.
43. What do you call 1 kilogram of falling figs?
1 Fig Newton.
44. When a third-grade student was asked to define the term “vacuum” in class, she answered:
“A vacuum is an empty region of space where the Pope lives.”
45. What is an astronomical unit?
One hell of a big apartment.
46. How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, astronomers prefer the dark.
47. Why won’t Heisenbergs’ operators live in the suburbs?
Because they don’t commute.
48. A bar walks into a man… oops, wrong frame of reference.
A neutrino walks through a bar.
49. What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?
The wave.
50. All the physicists meet up in heaven and decide to play a game of hide and seek. They decide that Fermi will be the seeker, so he closes his eyes and begins counting to 100. All the physicists scatter, except for Newton, who calmly reaches into his pocket, takes out some chalk, and draws a square one meter on a side. Fermi finishes counting and turns around, seeing Newton standing in his chalk square he yells “I found Newton. Newton is out!”
Newton protests: “No, I’m Newton in a meter square; I’m Pascal. Pascal is out!”
51. Renee Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Sir, can I get you a Martini?”
Descartes says, “I don’t think…” and he disappears.
52. Did you hear about the bi-curious physicist?
She performed a double-slit experiment.
53. A positron walks into a bar. The bartender explains they’ve run out of regular alcohol.
The positron replies that it’s no matter.
54. What is blue and smells like red paint?
Red paint moving very fast towards you.
55. Distance raptor over time raptor equals…
Velociraptor.
56. What do you call scientists who love to study gas laws by drinking soda?
Fizz-icists.
57. My son cheated on his physics test, and he has no idea how much trouble he is in.
He doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation.
58. I was studying frequency in my physics class.
Now my brain Hertz.
59. Sometimes physics can be a real bummer.
I was thinking about gravity yesterday and it really brought me down.
60. Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says; “Hey, I’ve figured it out. I know where we are.”
“Where are we then?”
“Do you see that mountain over there?”
“Yes.”
“Well… THAT’S where we are.”
61. A physicist’s favorite bumper sticker:
“Absolute zero is really cool!”
62. What is the difference between a quantum theorist and a beauty therapist?
The quantum theorist uses Planck’s Constant as a foundation, whereas the beauty therapist uses Max Factor.
63. Too bad the lazy office worker got fired for sitting all day;
He had so much potential energy.
64. Why should you go drinking with neutrons?
Wherever they go, there’s no charge.
65. What does E = mc2 mean?
Energy = milk chocolate squared.
66. What do you call someone who steals energy from the museum?
Joule thief!
67. Two fermions walk into a bar. One says “I’ll have a scotch on the rocks.”
The other says “Darn, that’s what I wanted.”
68. A group of wealthy investors wanted to be able to predict the outcome of a horse race. So they hired a group of biologists, a group of statisticians, and a group of physicists. Each group was given a year to research the issue. After one year, the groups all reported to the investors. The biologists said that they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take 200 years and $100bn. The statisticians reported next. They said that they could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of $100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time. Finally, the physicists reported that they could also predict the outcome of any race and that their process was cheap and simple. The investors listened eagerly to this proposal.
The head physicist reported, “We have made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere…”
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